Never goes away It remains in the heart Perhaps held at bay Only to surface On another dark day The journey to wholeness May seem endless When you’re feeling hopeless Lost and forgotten Your dreams have escaped you What now is your purpose?
Deep longing Unfulfilled
Be gentle with yourself When in its grip Be kind Take your time And try to understand This pain will guide you To a new place and time Where a light is hiding Waiting to be found It was placed in you at your birth It is the expression Of your beauty Your gift Your true worth
Deep longing Unfulfilled
Grief and sorrow over what is lost Must be honored first Whatever the cost The tide of emotions Inevitable pain Creates a void Leaves a space For something else To take its place Trust that the answers will come Filling that space That hole in your soul Your Godself awaits Joy and passion Will find expression Igniting the light That’s been hiding within
Deep longing Unfulfilled
Always remember The emptiness inside Make a vow right now To never forget Not to dwell Or stay in the darkness But to find compassion And share your light When others are held In its endless grip
Deep longing Unfulfilled
Comes full circle Its purpose revealed When Love is shared Given away This Gift of self Dims the pain Glowing heartspace Returns to you Sustained by Love’s everlasting embrace Its promise yields
"One thing I've learned, as a good friend once told me, 'God doesn't waste a hurt.' I don't believe God causes hurtful things to happen to us; in fact, I believe He's right there with us in our darkest hour crying as deeply as we are over our pain and suffering. I do believe God provides opportunities for us to find and receive His Love in the midst of our deepest sorrow. And He also brings us to healing solutions and discovering ways we can use our experience to help others." ~ C. Burgess
"LOVE is the answer" painting by Marjolein *
When all the world
Seems filled with gloom
Its soul consumed
With tragedy and disaster
Remember…
Love is the answer
When hate fills the space
Where love was once commonplace
When words sting
Instead of sing
Remember…
Love is the answer
When others don’t understand
Why you’ve taken My hand
Your new light reveals
Their darkness concealed
Remember…
Love is the answer
When your patience is tested
You feel not at your best
When life doesn't seem fair
Just breathe and say a prayer
And remember...
Love is the answer
When hard times descend
Upon foe or friend
When eyes that once sparkled and shined
Become blind
Remember…
Love is the answer
When land and sea
Send out a plea
Mother Earth cries out
Destruction all about
Remember…
Love is the answer
When the children are forlorn
Their little souls tattered and torn
Abused, neglected
Hopeless and dejected
Remember…
Love is the answer
For only Love can turn darkness to light
Blindness to sight
Giving hope to the hopeless
A friend to the friendless
New vision and a dream
Can be all that they seem
When we remember
That Love is the answer
* * * * * * * * * * *
This poem appeared in the May, 2011 issue
of Dot to Dot online magazine
published by
Michael Jackson Tribute Portrait
* * * * * * * * * * * * Artwork by Marjolein (posted here with her permission) Thank you, Marjolein! Visit her website "Spread the LOVE... my way:" http://www.lukas-art.com/
Photo art created by Billie Jean Used with permission - Thank you BJ!
* * * * * * *
Our private rendezvous is coming to an end
Remembering our time together
Every moment precious
Time has been our friend
These sweet memories will stay
Keeping me alive 'til one bright day
I came to find answers
to questions that are haunting
Where do I go from here?
What more does life have in store for me?
How may I use my gifts to your glory?
Tell me, how shall I continue this journey?
Even as I prepare to leave
Returning to my life
of aching arms and broken dreams
I still don’t know what the future holds
Except that I’ll be getting old!
The answers don't always seem so clear
Tell me now, so I can hear you
This life is such a mystery
Profound and deep when you hold the key
But it’s much more simple than you expect
Just keep your head up and do your best
What else can I say beyond all that?
But Love is the key that keeps you on track
And therein lies the greatest mystery of all
How can something with no shape or form
hold you upright and not let you fall?
It’s in your spirit, your very soul
The energy that makes you whole
You don’t even need your physical form
Except to take action and get the job done
Make your presence known
On this earth, in this time
And do all you can to set things straight
Make it all rhyme
You don’t even need to steer this ride
'Cause God is at the helm
Just trust... and He will guide
He is the Maestro, the Conductor of Souls
He’s the only One who really knows you…
Because He made you
Look around you, see what He’s done
It’s all as it should be, in perfect order
This masterpiece of creation
Why do you question the Maestro’s word?
Why do you doubt the ultimate power?
Just accept His love
He wants you to have it
And be about living in the light
‘til it becomes a habit!
The answer you've been seeking
lies within, if you understand it
The greatest mystery of all
isn't really a mystery
It is Love, pure and simple
Give it away...
then you will have it!
It was brought to my attention on January 31 this year that this was the date in 2005 when Michael stood before a judge and plead 'not guilty' to unthinkable charges which were brought against him by a money hungry family and a greedy politician. I couldn't get the imagined picture of him standing in that courtroom proclaiming his innocence out of my mind. Other images of his famous walks to and from the courthouse in Santa Maria, California, during the 5 month trial that followed his official plea flooded my thoughts as well. And I couldn't help thinking about all the events leading up to that time as well as the events that followed the jury's verdict of "Not Guilty" 14 times on June 13, 2005. This date will stand out in history as the day Michael Jackson was declared innocent of child molestation; but even though he was exonerated, the truth is, his life would never be the same after that. And we continued to hear slanderous remarks and innuendoes regurgitated by the media and the public from those who just couldn't seem to believe in his innocence. It's an unfortunate and an unjustified misconception we are still dealing with today.
This is not the first time I have thought of these things, nor is it the first time I have cried many tears over the injustice of this insane situation and how it crushed Michael's soul! But this is the first time I found the words to express all that was occupying my heart and mind when these images - these memories - came flooding back all at once.
This remarkable journey I've been on with Michael since June 25, 2009, has led me through some extreme highs and lows along the way, learning new things at every turn about this innocent and generous man we all love so very much. I just keep loving him more and more as time goes on and I want him to know how much of a difference he has made in my life. I want him to know that everything he gave us...all he sacrificed...all he endured was somehow not in vain. The impact he has made on my life and the lives of so many around the world is a powerful testimony to the effectiveness of his life's work and the mission he was here to accomplish! I bow before him in humble gratitude for the precious gifts he shared with us at such a high cost! And I thank God every day for the gift of Michael in this world!
His message was love, pure and simple... we got it!... And we're not letting it go!
Innocent!
An innocent man went to trial today
Accused of things he couldn't even say
Seventy officers invaded his home
Ransacked and pillaged through everything he owned
The paradise he'd created
Lost its soul that day
And Neverland lost its Peter Pan
Because they couldn't accept
He was an innocent man
Handcuffed, paraded before all of humanity
Viscious tongues lashed out in glee, "He's Guilty!"
The lynching began before the trial even started
This innocent man was hate's favorite target
Thirsty for blood, they couldn't wait
For him to meet his presumed fate
Humble and proud, he stood before the judge
"I'm not guilty, your honor
And I want you to know I won't hold a grudge
I forgive them, you see
For they know not what they do
I'll face the jury
Then the world will know the truth"
His innocent nature was not an act
Some found it hard to believe
'Cause the truth is, as a matter of fact
On stage he was a 'beast'
A sensitive man to the very core
An artist, a genius, a master of his craft
We'd never seen anything... or anyone
Quite like him before
His love of children
Was the whole of his existence
Without them, you see, he wouldn't want to be
The children of the world were his reason for living
They knew his true soul
His innocence they could see
A healer of the sick
And a lover of all things pure
He believed in magic, this innocent man
And he only wanted to share it
With everyone throughout the land
Bringing joy and escapism
To this hurting world
He gave us all he had to give
His love, energy and light
Put our spirits in a whirl
Growing wings to fly
Like Peter Pan
Above the clouds so high
A child at heart
God's innocent delight
He inspired us all to be child-like
To love as a child loves
And to remember their plight
But the media vultures
And their pandering public
Didn't understand
The purity of his soul
They really believed
He was capable of hurting
The very thing
That made him feel whole
They judged and ridiculed
Laughed and pointed
Chewed him up and spit him out
They were ugly and mean
They just didn't understand
What this innocent man
Was really all about
The trial was a farce
It should never have been
And ultimately
They couldn't convict
This innocent man
But they took his soul
In two thousand and five
And even though
He came back to show us
He was ever alive
This innocent man
Would leave us again
When the doctor contrived
To let him die
In the year two thousand and nine
Although his body is gone from this earth
His spirit lives on
A new day, a new birth!
His love penetrates
The hearts of those who believe
'Cause he planted the seed
In you and in me
The gifts God gave him for us to see
How to live and love and just how to be
Have inspired us to be the very best that we can be
He gave us insight to heal this planet
So, we're workin' day and night to put some love back in it
Those of us who know
We who see
We understand
We’re right where we’re supposed to be
In the light of day
In the sun’s brilliant rays
And in the moon’s glow
We just know what we know
The truth, it is written in the air
We can see it, we can feel it
No longer a mystery
It’s been already there
Our vision has changed
You see, rearranged
By the One who reflects
All our wishes and dreams
Now we see things we’ve never seen before
‘Cause that child came along and opened the door
To our sheltered places
Our comfortable spaces
Shadows danced across the floor
And for the first time we could see their faces
He shined his light in the dark
And showed us the way
He said, now you will know
What I’ve already known
And you won’t need to ask
It’s been already said
Your vision has changed
You see, rearranged
By the One who reflects
All your wishes and dreams
When you look to the moon
On this cold winter’s night
You already know, my love is in its light
A precious gift will soon be revealed
In the glow that surrounds the moon this night
Trust what you see, trust what you feel
You know what’s right
Your hopes and your dreams
They are already there in the circle of life
Take care not to fear
Take care not to doubt
Take care not to question
What this is about
You already know
What you know in your heart
My light has shown you
The way through the dark
Now you see things you’ve never seen before
‘Cause that child came along and opened the door
Your vision has changed
It's been rearranged
By the One who reflects
All your wishes and dreams
Trust what you see, trust what you feel
In the glow that surrounds the moon this night
You need only believe
You know what’s right
Your hopes and your dreams
They are already there in the circle of life
Circle of Life - The Poem: How it came to be... This poem came to be after I had received the wonderful news last week that my daughter and son-in-law are expecting their 4th child! This news by itself would be evidence of the wonderful miracle of life and God’s gift to us; however, there’s more to this story than first meets the eye. You see, their 3rd child, Asher, didn’t make it to full term. For unknown reasons, he died mid-pregnancy and his two older brothers, Aidyn and Avery, would never have the privilege of playing with their little brother whom they were so excited to meet. As with my first two grandsons, I was with my daughter, Kendra and her husband, Matyas, at the hospital on October 1, 2009, for the delivery of our little doll, Asher. We knew he was not alive, so it was a very emotionally intense experience for all of us, but especially Kendra. As she brought forth this precious little being that her body had so lovingly caressed for 4½ months, but who was not to be in this world, she also lost Hope. I saw the light go out in her soul and, as her mother, I felt so helpless to do anything for her. I couldn’t take her pain away. It’s not the same as kissing a 'boo-boo' and making it all better as you do for them when they are young. This was a deep, deep pain that she had to work through herself to come to terms with her grief and anger over this unexplainable loss. I lent my love and support and faith in whatever ways I could in the weeks and months that followed; but, as any mother of a grown child knows, you have to allow them space and time to work things out for themselves - to find their own answers and their own peace in their own time. They may not realize it at the time, but it’s how we love them.
Kendra and Matyas were undecided for some time after October of 2009 as to whether they would try for another child. There was even a period of time when it looked as if it wasn't going to happen. For a while Kendra's grief was intensified by not only the loss of little Asher, but the loss of the possibility of another child. Well, as you know, there IS another child on the way! On the evening of January 17, Kendra shared the good news with me when I was at their house for a visit. I was thrilled, of course, but also filled with concern for her and how she was handling this emotionally. She and I talked for a long time that night about worry, doubt and fear and all I could say to her was "God knows what He's doing... please trust in that!" I was afraid to say "everything's going to be fine" because I really didn't know that, and I didn't want to assure her of something that was yet uncertain. I have no way of predicting the outcome any more than she does, but what I can do is share my faith with her...so I did.
A little later when I left to go home, I stepped outside and, looking up as I always do to find our little moonwalker, I noticed the nearly full moon shining brilliantly through a porthole in the sky. There was a HUGE ring of dense fog around the moon, larger than any I had ever seen. Inside the ring the sky was so clear and bright, I could see all the stars surrounding the moon. It was as if the moon had burned off the fog to create this porthole so I could see it...just for that moment (it was gone by the time I got home.) The sky outside the ring was foggy so the only clear spot was inside the ring and the whole picture looked 3-dimentional! I was mesmerized by this beautiful scene and I stood there for several minutes just absorbing its magic. The first thing that came to mind as I was looking at this miracle of nature was "Circle of Life"... it was HUGE and it was complete, the full circle representing eternity and the ongoing reproduction of life. When I realized what that meant, I started to cry and, looking at the circle again it felt like a big hug...something I'd been asking for in my prayers lately. It was wrapping its arms around me and making me feel warm and secure on this cold winter's night. A beautiful gift of love - like everything was coming full circle and I knew it was going to be alright!
I drove home feeling as if I wanted to call Kendra immediately and tell her of this experience and the powerful sense of assurance I had received. But there was a nagging feeling of concern too that was hanging over me at the same time. I didn't want to give her a false sense of security, because I knew that I still didn't have concrete answers...just a feeling. I also realized that "everything's going to be alright" could mean a variety of things and didn't necessarily guarantee a healthy, full-term baby of the desired gender! I decided to sleep on it and see how I felt in the morning.
When I arrived home I noticed the ring around the moon was gone, so I went inside and spent some time on my computer checking messages and reading over a couple of my blog posts from around Christmas time. When I read the December 17 post, "A Christmas Story: Yours and Mine", I was moved all over again by the story in the song "Old City Bar." It was somewhat related to this 'encounter' I'd had with the circle around the moon. http://mjreflecdtionsheart2heart.blogspot.com/2010/12/christmas-story-mine-and-yours.html
Soon after reading this post, I fell asleep in front of my computer and woke up around 4:00 a.m. with these words in my head: "Those of us who know, Those of us who see, Those of us who understand, We're right where we're supposed to be." That's when I wrote "The Circle of Life". A few days later, I sent it to Kendra, telling her about how the poem came to me and my feeling that everything was going to be alright, adding this:
"Now, what that means, I don't know. I just know we need to trust in God's timing and His love for us no matter what. That's all God asks us to do. If we can let go of our doubts and fears, then we will see that everything in our lives (yes, even the pain and suffering) holds a gift. Being able to trust when you've been hurt so deeply isn't easy... I know, and God knows too. Letting go and handing over the reigns when you have felt betrayed is probably one of the hardest things you'll ever do! It's not that you don't have ANY control over the outcome...you can do everything in your power as a human being to take care of yourself and seek the medical and emotional support that you need to ensure having a healthy pregnancy and to increase your chances of having a healthy baby. This is something you do very well, my dear, and I have every confidence you will do it again this time. All the rest is prayer and trust in God's love for you and your family.
"I knew right away I wanted to share this poem with you, but again I hesitated only because my own doubts started to creep in after some time had passed (as they often do!) and I didn't want to give you 'false hope'. After a little more time, I thought 'There is no such thing as FALSE Hope! Hope is HOPE... and Hope is good! Hope is one of God's wonderful gifts - if we don't have Hope, we have nothing!' It is true that sometimes our hopes are not realized, but that is where the trust comes in...and the believing in God's love no matter what.
"So, I've listened to that little voice inside and decided to send you this poem. I hope this touches you, honey, and gives you comfort and HOPE! What this poem did for me was to confirm my own intuition, the feelings I had when I looked at the moon and the words "Circle of Life" came to me and I felt that warm hug of assurance that everything was going to be alright. So I'm passing that assurance on to you." * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
My friends - Now you know....the ressst of the story! (as Paul Harvey used to say)
I am filled with Hope for a beautiful healthy new baby in our family! Please join me in that Hope and in continuing our mission to create a better world for our children and grandchildren to live in! Trust your intuition and use it to be the best that you can be at whatever talents God has gifted to you! And always...put some Love back into the world each day, as Michael so faithfully did throughout his entire life. The Circle of Life continues - generation after generation. And if each generation can help to make things just a little bit better, someday this world may realize Michael's dream of peace, love and joy for all the world's children!
Light of my life
Hope of my soul
Desire of my heart
Who knew it would be you?
And that you would be who you are?
To the world
To the children
To the heavens and the earth
Of Sacred worth
In communion with all that you are
Mystic... Shaman... Angel of God
Love personified
Dreams electrified
High art in human form
Mystery of our time
Power sent forth to heal the world
Dancing the dream
You endured such pain
Body and blood, heart and soul
Given to heal our sickness
Would take its toll
Our shadow was to blame
Now, we bow our heads in shame
Who knew it would be you?
Brilliant light cast upon the earth
Touching souls
Collecting and gathering
We, your children, into the fold
Before you would exit
Leaving us to be
Your messengers of love
To carry on your dream
Of a world filled with peace
Joy and harmony
Who knew it would be Us?
We are your children
Your chosen ones
Are we up to the task?
Do we have what it takes?
Do we even need to ask?
It's time to take the world by storm
To make truth and justice simply the norm
No more questions
No more doubts
It's time to teach the world
What this thing is all about
With love at the core of all we do
We'll be your voice
We'll tell them...
It was You!
It was you who believed in us all along
That's why you never stopped singing your song
You knew it would be us
Your love was the fuel
Igniting this fire
You knew we'd make a fuss
And carry on your desire
Mystic... Shaman... Angel of God
Love personified
Dreams electrified
Light of our lives
Hope of our souls
Power sent forth to heal the world
Who knew it would be you?
It's been a tradition of mine for many years to purchase one new Christmas CD each year to add to my collection. This year I decided to purchase the Trans-Siberian Orchestra CD entitled "Christmas Eve and Other Stories". To tell you the truth, I had never listened to their music before, although I had heard of them. This particular CD was produced in 1996, so it's been around a while. My general preference for Christmas music leans toward instrumental versions of classic carols or those sung by choirs. I also have artists such as Josh Groban, Jim Brickman and Michael W. Smith in my Christmas music library. Music that inspires is what I like to listen to, especially this time of year. Anything that tells the Christmas story and instills a sense of wonder and gratitude for the joy of the season and the precious gift of the Christ child.
I took my new Christmas CD to work with me the day after I purchased it, popped it into my boombox and began listening. But because I was busy working, I wasn't totally tuned in to most of the music except when a squealing electric guitar caught my attention. It surprised me because it wasn't what I was expecting - you might say I was even a little disappointed. Not that I don't like electric guitar, but it didn't feel much like Christmas music to me when I heard those parts! Nonetheless, I continued to play the CD as I worked. Soon there came a song that made me stop what I was doing to listen closely. A man's voice, a bit gritty and raw, was singing a ballad accompanied by an acoustic guitar. At first, I only heard his voice which touched something deep inside of me with its expression. I felt tears welling up and I didn't even know yet what he was singing about! I replayed the song and listened more carefully to his words and what I heard was a message as told in a story...MY story...OUR story of how Michael Jackson walked into our hearts and got our attention!
As you listen to the song and read the lyrics, think about this...For many of us, before Michael died, we were closed off, couldn't see past the end of our noses. We didn't even realize that there was anything we were missing...until June 25, 2009. Michael came into our vision and brought it into focus...he danced and sang his way into our hearts and taught us about all the things he had been noticing all along. Things that caused him heartache and concern for the world.
He noticed when a child or a fan in the crowd needed a hug...and he gave it. He noticed when a family or an individual needed help...and he offered it. He noticed when the world directed its prejudice or hatred toward certain kinds of people...and he spoke out about it. He noticed when we were blindly destroying our earth and not caring about the long term consequences...and he sang about it with passion!
He noticed when a sick or dying child just needed a touch or a smile...and he gave it with tenderness and Love in his heart. He was the little boy who came through the door into our sheltered world to show us what was happening outside, to shake us free from our comfortable places and help us to see that we could make a difference!
So, I decided to share this song with you here in hopes that we could be inspired to "somehow make this Christmas thing last"...
I wish you Hope, Peace, Joy, Love and always Inspiration this Christmas and throughout the coming year. May we continue to arrange to change the world as the Christ Child and our man-child have inspired us to do!
Old City Bar In an old city bar
That is never too far
From the places that gather
The dreams that have been
In the safety of night
With its old neon light
It beckons to strangers
And they always come in
And the snow it was falling
The neon was calling
The music was low
And the night Christmas Eve
And here was the danger
That even with strangers
Inside of this night
It’s easier to believe
Then the door opened wide
And a child came inside
That no one in the bar
Had seen there before
And he asked did we know
That outside in the snow
That someone was lost
Standing outside our door
Then the bartender gazed
Through the smoke and the haze
Through the windows and ice
To a corner street light
Where standing alone
By a broken pay phone
Was a girl the child said
Could no longer get home
And the snow it was falling
The neon was calling
The bartender turned
And said, not that I care
But how would you know this?
The child said I’ve noticed
If one could be home
They’d be already there
Then the bartender came out from behind the bar
And in all of his life he was never that far
And he did something else that he thought no one saw
When he took all the cash from the register draw
Then he followed the child to the girl across the street
And we watched from the bar as they started to speak
Then he called for a cab and he said J.F.K.
Put the girl in the cab and the cab drove away
And we saw in his hand
That the cash was all gone
From the light that she had
Wished upon
If you want to arrange it This world you can change it If we could somehow make this Christmas thing last
By helping a neighbor Or even a stranger And to know who needs help You need only just ask
Then he looked for the child But the child wasn’t there Just the wind and the snow Waltzing dreams through the air
So he walked back inside Somehow different I think For the rest of the night No one paid for a drink
And the cynics will say That some neighborhood kid Wandered in on some bums In the world where they hid
But they weren’t there So they couldn’t see By an old neon star On that night, Christmas Eve
When the snow it was falling The neon was calling And in case you should wonder In case you should care
Why we’re on our own Never went home On that night of all nights We were already there
“Christmas Eve and Other Stories” Trans-Siberian Orchestra, 1996
As we begin this season of waiting to celebrate the birth of Jesus, I would like to offer a series of poems and reflections based on the weekly themes of Advent - the first theme being HOPE. The following poem was published in an Advent devotional booklet for my church this year which was written entirely by its members. I am pleased to share it with you here. I fully respect and honor the diversity of beliefs that make up our colorful world - a world that is filled with beautiful and unique individuals, all a part of God’s magnificent Creation. No matter what your beliefs, I think most will agree that there is a power which is greater than ourselves at work in the universe - a power grounded in a great love. My heart extends its warmest wishes to you during this season of Hope, Peace, Joy, and Love!
Remember the Gift
Holy Spirit come, fill me with your love
wash over me, enlighten me, strengthen my belief in Thee
I need discipline to travel, this mystery of life to unravel
I vow to give my best, take time to nurture my faith
let it simmer while I wait
‘til Your guidance reveals which path to take
God of love and compassion
through my trials you have been my constant companion
but my patience is tested when it’s time for a rest
in my prayers I seek answers to my questions
You don’t always lead where I want to go
Your timing is not always mine
please give me the courage to believe what you know
My Creator,
You gave me fire in my spirit
then said, don’t fear it!
be bold, be brave, share the love which I gave you
it is true, it is right
it’s your beauty, your passion, your own special light!
What an amazing adventure this has been so far! Riding this wave of discovery, pain and love has been one magical experience after another. Yes, even in the pain, as difficult as this may be to comprehend. I think it's something only those who are on the same journey can fully understand. Others may hear our words as we attempt to describe the impact Michael Jackson has had on our hearts and on our souls. They may nod their heads and even say they understand, but in all reality, they can't possibly. It's just not understandable - it defies logic. How does one feel such a strong soul connection to someone they have never met? And how can one say they are grieving the loss of this individual more than they've ever grieved for anyone, including their own family members? That just seems wrong to anyone who has not been on the receiving end of Michael's immense light and love. I can understand their questioning and their doubt. I've had plenty of that myself along this path.
So, it occurred to me several months ago that my family members might be a bit bewildered by some of the poems and stories I had written about this experience, should they come across them by accident. What if something happened to me tomorrow and all that is left for them to piece together the mystery of this phenomenon I've been speaking of for the last year and a half are my poems and other writings which are kept in files on my computer? Some of the poems are quite personal and could appear to be proof that maybe I had lost my mind just a little bit! These more personal poems are some of my most treasured, and I would not want to leave them in the hands of someone who didn't understand the depth of this experience. If I had the opportunity to explain all of this to them through my writing, knowing they would be reading it after I was gone, what would I say? And recognizing that when someone dies, their loved ones suddenly see them more in the light of truth and goodness, I knew that anything I left behind for them to read would hold so much more meaning after I had gone than it would right now.
I decided to create a file that would hold all of my most treasured writings with a personal message about what this experience has meant to me and what I hope they will hold in their hearts after I'm gone. I would like to share a portion of that message with you here.
Funny...when I started writing, the first thing that came to me was a poem...
Michael’s Magic
To those who may read what’s in this file After I’ve gone to heaven’s domain I want to explain So you won’t think I was totally insane!
Rest assured, there’s more to this than meets the eye Michael has touched hearts with his love worldwide I have no illusions of physical love, my head is on straight, Just ask God above! Because He’s behind this, you can be sure In His grand plan, Michael was the lure His life was designed to get our attention Send the messages and make us question:
How do we live? Are we contributing to a better tomorrow? Or are we feeding humanity’s darkness, adding to the world’s sorrow?
How do we love? Are we kind and thoughtful, always forgiving? Or do we judge harshly how others are living?
When in our presence, do others feel our peace? Or do we cause tension, discomfort, or great dis-ease?
Think about it and read my words His love is a gift, it’s changed my world He made me realize That a love such as this can be the prize For a life of bliss, no surprise!
Our soul connection is just as true As anything between me and you God gave him to us for just awhile To teach us about a love worthwhile
Anyone can claim it It’s free to those who seek it His example was perfect No need to change it or rearrange it
To those who judge You’re missing the boat The greatest story ever wrote In plain sight for all to see His message of love will set you free
Michael never hesitated to express his love - for his fans, his friends and colleagues, his family, and most of all for God, as he expressed over and over his humble gratitude for his divine gift. He was a dynamic force for love in the world and all who knew him will tell of his other-worldly presence, the way he made them feel, always bringing out the best in those who could see and feel his light. They say that you won’t see the light in Michael if you don’t see it in yourself. To that I say, take a look in the mirror and ask yourself, ‘If I don’t see the light in Michael, what am I missing in me? Why have I buried my light? And why am I afraid to bring it out into the open? What is it about love and goodness that frightens me so? I want to know!’
If you really want to know, God will take your hand and show you his plan - you can be certain of a journey you will never forget. The path to your light may be difficult at times, even painful, but the love and enlightenment you experience along the way will be the most perfect, pure, and soul-freeing feeling you have ever known!
When I speak of my love for Michael and my soul connection with him, it is with an understanding of him being so special a gift to many, many others around the world. I’m not alone in this! But it feels personal to each and every one of us; and in a way, it is! It appears we have been “chosen” to share his messages in the world, for our own individual reasons. Our unique life experiences have drawn us each to his light, and we have been transformed. Michael’s love is a pure, perfect, selfless kind of love that most of us find very difficult to express in our “humanness”, for we are not perfect, nor are we entirely selfless. He has transformed millions of hearts around the world during his lifetime and since his death. He gives us hope for a better tomorrow, and makes us feel that it IS possible to make the world a better place.
We can only hope to live our lives in a way that brings out the good in others. To express and give the kind of love that has no conditions upon it, as a child does. The pain and suffering we experience in life often hardens us to that kind of love. Michael was unique in that he was gifted with an inner knowing, an understanding about that kind of pure goodness - the importance of love - and he expressed it so freely, showing us by his example that no matter how much life knocks you around or how much hatred and cruelty you encounter, it’s LOVE that lives on and conquers the darkness of man! He died trying to bring that message to us one last time, even after certain factions of humanity beat him to a pulp and judged him for things that were based solely on lies, creating a global misunderstanding of his true nature. Because man is so tainted by his own darkness: greed, ego, lust for power, call it what you will - but the reality of what happened to Michael reflects the darkest and most sinister aspects of humankind.
Michael was gifted with an extremely bright light - so bright, in fact, that we didn’t quite know what to make of it. He spent the majority of his life being very misunderstood, judged for being ‘different’, and portrayed by the media as a freak. He had a strong faith and a clear understanding of his purpose in life, his divine gift and how he was to use it. He stayed strong through all the ridicule. And although Michael attracted much darkness to him because of his bright light, his love lives on and is ultimately the most powerful force in the world! This is the message God is sending to us through Michael!
Michael’s entire body of work, everything about the way he lived his life, including his struggles and how he handled them, his appearance, his health issues, his childlike nature, his gentleness, his kindness, his passion as expressed through his music and performances, even his anger over the injustices in this world, were all designed to get our attention - to make us sit up and take notice! His death was the starting point of an “awakening” around the world. This phenomenon is growing, it’s gaining strength and numbers as more and more people realize they are not alone in this experience and as others come to a new understanding of the truth about Michael Jackson. As difficult as it is for many of us to accept, I believe he had to die for people to start searching, wanting to know more about this man who was such a huge presence in this world. Efforts to understand why many judged him so harshly have led to a new knowledge of the real man behind the mask. Technology has given us an opportunity to view and read about his entire lifetime of music, interviews, speeches, performances, humanitarian efforts and even unguarded moments captured on film. Altogether, we see an entirely different man than what was portrayed by the media all these years! Shock and disbelief at how we could have been so fooled has been a common reaction among many. Or maybe we just weren’t paying close attention. Even those of us who were not "so fooled" are still discovering many new truths about this genius who lived and loved among us for 50 years.
We have come to the realization that this is a time for us to take a look at ourselves as a human race, to become aware of the things about ourselves we would like to change, and to BE that force for change in the world! This is everything Michael was trying to tell us when he was here! It’s all in his music - and in his example, his entire life - available for us to see and hear, to finally understand why he was here! If we don’t see it, we are losing out - we will miss the miracle that is right in front of us! I believe that Michael was a spiritual messenger, sent by God to teach us, to show us how to live and love. To show us the darkest side of humanity, so that we would be inspired to make a change in ourselves and to do everything we can to make the world better.
The Boomer generation knows more than any what this is about. When we were younger, we believed we could make a difference in the world - change it for the better. We marched, stood, sat, chanted, rallied and sang for peace, love, equality, justice, and freedom of expression in an effort to make the rest of the world see that there was a better way. Previous generations had gotten too comfortable with their way of thinking, and it didn’t work anymore - things needed to change! And it was our time to bring that change about in the world. We did have an effect - change did happen and we made progress toward those ideals. But somewhere along the way, the Boomers' passion faded. Many of us “gave up” the cause when we grew up a bit more, got married, settled down, raised a family, got busy just making it through a day in our lives with all the demands of simply existing.
Michael represented the hope we had when we were younger - the hope for a better tomorrow. His messages echoed everything we stood for. And as he continued to rally for change and enlightenment, we stood by and watched with interest this force, this powerful energy in one single human being who never gave up - who stayed the course on our behalf, and he did it alone! God’s timing of Michael's life here on Earth was immaculate! Michael’s death, and the subsequent awakening of the world to his purpose was preordained in my opinion. The Boomers are now coming of age - full circle so to speak. Empty nesters coming into retirement are now ready to receive the message, and to do something once again to effect change in the world! Michael knew this. These lyrics from his song, JAM, reflect that awareness:
The world keeps changing Rearranging minds and thoughts Predictions fly of doom The Baby Boom has come of age to work it out
Although the Baby Boomers are not the only generation experiencing this awakening and receiving Michael’s messages, the timing of his life and his death, I believe, was part of a plan to bring the boomers back to a state of enlightened consciousness to lead the way, creating another global movement for change!
One of the most amazing things about this experience has been to see how he has touched people of all generations. Every age from toddlers to seniors are feeling his energy, not only in his music, but they are also experiencing his love and his goodness in ways that we could not have imagined just over one year ago. We have so much to learn from him, and my hope is that minds will continue to open up to the possibility that Michael Jackson may just have something valuable to impart to us all. Those who resist because they don’t understand, or they don’t “get” this thing about Michael, will spend their life missing out on one of the greatest gifts in our lifetime.
I feel so utterly blessed to be one who knows - to be "chosen" to receive this remarkable understanding! I hope and pray my loved ones and friends will join me on this journey, or at the very least open their minds to the possibility that what I am sharing is absolutely everything I say it is! Even if you don’t get it until after I am gone, please know that I LOVE YOU with all my heart and soul and I wish for the same kind of awareness to come to you in your lifetime - no matter what form it takes, no matter who the messenger. For you to know that this immense light, this perfect kind of love can be real for anyone who seeks it. And for you to understand why I behaved the way I did, why this was so important to me, and why it changed my life forever!
Now...to get to the question I know has been nagging at you since the beginning of all of this: "How in the world could she feel so deeply about someone she's never even met?" I'll do my best to explain. Along this journey, I have felt a sense of knowing Michael, of our souls being connected somehow, somewhere, without really comprehending how or where or why. This feeling was very challenging for me to come to terms with in the beginning - it took months for me to finally accept that it could be. I don’t profess to know with 100% certainty whether I have ever "known" Michael before, and I don’t imagine I will know with 100% certainty in this lifetime. What I do recognize is that God has worked very hard at cracking my heart and mind wide open to receive this Gift. It is a calling which I cannot say "no" to - it comes from God! And I have come to know without question that there IS a connection of some kind - a spiritual bond between two very like-minded individuals with numerous "threads" connecting us throughout our lives. These threads went undiscovered until his passing. And I didn’t go looking for them - they came to me! Too many synchronicities to make this connection only a coincidence. And too many "coincidences" to be anything less than part of a very grand plan designed by The Master himself! I have my own ideas regarding what it all means, which I have already told you about here. But I am certain there will be pieces of this grand puzzle which will remain a mystery until I leave this world. I have come to accept that and, in the absence of 20/20 vision, I have called upon my faith to simply BELIEVE that God, the infinite power and authority of the entire universe, knows what He's doing! As Michael sang in the song Keep the Faith..."the power's in believing." Now that I have come to believe, my part is only to seek direction and a willingness to act on fulfilling my specific calling.
Beyond this, I must add that I do believe Michael’s essence represents a universal kind of spirit and love in the world. There are many around the globe who have expressed the same feeling of a soul connection to him, so I am not under the illusion that it’s just me. His universal presence and appeal is, I’m sure, part of the plan to get his messages to as many people across the globe as possible. This makes sense, but it doesn’t change the feeling inside that it’s personal. And I believe that feeling is intentional. It's something God has gifted to us and he wants us to accept the Gift!
The poems and writings I have posted in this file are deeply private and they represent the very personal nature of my feelings about Michael and my connection to him. These are not the unfulfilled fantasies of a crazed fan, I need you to know that and believe it! These writings are my way of processing my feelings about this personal connection, my understanding of what it may mean, and my coming to terms with it. They express my deepest emotions, and they hint at how I am drawing from the inspiration I received from him in this process. Yes, I do feel a deep love for Michael - his heart and soul - Michael the person. I believe he represents the kind of love I have longed for all my life. I honestly don’t know if I will find it with another person in this lifetime, but Michael has helped me to believe in it again. I beg you to respect my experience and to help me continue his legacy of love which I hope I have passed on to you.
These writings are everything to me - they express all that I am at the deepest part of my being! If you destroy these, you destroy my being in this world. These pieces, along with everything in my journal, represent the culmination of my life experience. Through this soul awakening, I have come to understand that my entire life, all 57 years of it, was preparation for this moment in time. That’s how big this is! And that’s why it may have seemed to you at times that I was overly obsessed. Do not judge me until you have walked a mile in my moccasins! I assure you, this experience is as real as anything you experience in your day-to-day living!
How does a person explain an entire lifetime of something missed? A sense that a true spiritual kind of love has passed you by - that everything you believed in as a child was wrong and would never come to be in your world. How does one explain the feeling of emptiness in your soul because of the mistakes, the dead ends and the days of just existing? How does one explain that they’ve never felt a sense of purpose or known what God intended for them in this lifetime? How do you approach the latter part of your life without ever having resolved that? There has to be more to one's life than this! And then, the answers come! Completely out of the blue - totally unexpected - and through a person you never dreamed would be your muse! It’s been life-changing, to say the least, and I hope that you will find it in your heart to honor me and my memory for what I am striving to do with my life - that you can tell your children and grandchildren that their grandma and great-grandma made a difference in the world and you are so very proud of her!
My true hope is that you will gain an understanding of my heart and my soul - an acceptance of who I was during my time here on Earth, mistakes and all. That you will cherish and respect my memory and you will know and feel this great love as I have been so blessed to receive. If I have truly lived as I have been called to live, the things I have done to contribute toward a better tomorrow should give you pause for reflection on your own life and whether you are contributing to a healthier, more loving humanity. And you will remember this all began with a little Moonwalker from Gary, Indiana!
I have no doubt Michael Joseph Jackson will be remembered for generations to come, not only for his musical talent, but also for the ways he contributed to changing the world for the better and inspiring others to do the same. I expect the “flavor” of what we will hear and read about Michael in the years to come will change from the sensationalistic stories of a "weird" eccentric genius, to a more realistic view of a man with a heart who shared his immense gift in order to make the world a better place. A spiritual messenger living among us! May HIStory tell the real story, the truth of this man who lent his light, his magic and his heart to us for 50 years and beyond!
I know what’s beautiful Looking at you Fireflies that light up in the night Dewdrops on a flower in the morning sun Stars that sparkle and dance in the sky A bird singing her lullaby Summer rain, its sweet fragrance filling the air An evening’s sunset that makes me sigh
Through the eyes of a poet You take me there
I know what’s beautiful Looking at you Your smile, so innocent and bright The light in your eyes when you look upon a child The way you just know what’s right Your soul that glows from within Dignity and grace in all its glory Your love that touches me, lends its light
The truth of your heart The telling of your story
I know what’s beautiful Looking at you Sunlight bursting through the clouds on a beam A falling star on a warm summer night Dolphins that frolic in the sea An eagle commanding the air in flight Children at play on a beautiful day Their innocence and magic, laughter and glee
Fireworks On the 4th of July
I know what’s beautiful
Looking at you
Dancing in your arms ‘til the break of dawn
Whispers of love at morning’s light
Holding you close ‘til the pain is gone
A touch to say it’s gonna be alright
Feeling your heartbeat next to mine
While in your embrace, you sing me your song
Deep longing
What an amazing adventure this has been so far! Riding this wave of discovery, pain and love has been one magical experience after another. Yes, even in the pain, as difficult as this may be to comprehend. I think it's something only those who are on the same journey can fully understand. Others may hear our words as we attempt to describe the impact Michael Jackson has had on our hearts and on our souls. They may nod their heads and even say they understand, but in all reality, they can't possibly. It's just not understandable - it defies logic. How does one feel such a strong soul connection to someone they have never met? And how can one say they are grieving the loss of this individual more than they've ever grieved for anyone, including their own family members? That just seems wrong to anyone who has not been on the receiving end of Michael's immense light and love. I can understand their questioning and their doubt. I've had plenty of that myself along this path.
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