Peace begins in the heart of each individual. When you center yourself in divine love and focus your thoughts on peace, you create a sacred place within your heart, dedicated to experiencing and expressing the love of God. As you then begin to let divine love radiate out from you to those around you, you take the first step in generating peace in your life and in all circumstances. When you extend your thoughts of love and peace to others, you create an atmosphere of peace that embraces and unites every heart.
Be a Peacemaker
Think of the great peacemakers throughout history, including Michael Jackson. How are they able to inspire people to follow a path of peace? How has Michael inspired us to be here today on this mission of spreading love and peace to others in his name?
The answer lies within—the great peacemakers of the world remain centered by turning within to “the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding” (Phil. 4:7). The world responds to their inner glow of peace. You may create your own glow by thinking peaceful thoughts, speaking words you'd like to hear, and treating everyone with kindness and compassion, just as Michael always did.
Have you ever noticed the ripple effect created just by smiling at someone? Try this experiment. Smile at people and see how many smiles you receive in return. You'll be amazed at how far kindness can travel in just a short amount of time. Your inner peace is reaching out to others and the ripples of love and understanding are spreading outward in a never-ending circle.
Now visualize the peace of God encircling Michael’s family, extending out to all those who were closely involved in Michael’s life, and beyond that to all of his fans around the world. You are a part of that peace because you're on a spiritual journey—a pathway that includes peace in your day-to-day living. Just as with any journey, you can pack for the trip. Carry with you an attitude of peace, enfold yourself in God's love, and always, always have generous amounts of concern and caring ready to share with others.
When you pray, remember to enfold everyone in your faith-filled thoughts. Even those who may evoke anger and resentment - especially those. Envision each person divinely guided in finding the way to live with integrity in love and peace and truth with others. Although distance may separate you from these people, prayer bridges the gap toward unity and harmonious relationships. To love in God's way is to let it flow freely, not withholding it from anyone.
Make a covenant right now to dedicate your prayers and your thoughts to the fulfillment of love and peace in all you do.
Photo art created by Billie Jean Used with permission - Thank you BJ!
* * * * * * *
Our private rendezvous is coming to an end
Remembering our time together
Every moment precious
Time has been our friend
These sweet memories will stay
Keeping me alive 'til one bright day
I came to find answers
to questions that are haunting
Where do I go from here?
What more does life have in store for me?
How may I use my gifts to your glory?
Tell me, how shall I continue this journey?
Even as I prepare to leave
Returning to my life
of aching arms and broken dreams
I still don’t know what the future holds
Except that I’ll be getting old!
The answers don't always seem so clear
Tell me now, so I can hear you
This life is such a mystery
Profound and deep when you hold the key
But it’s much more simple than you expect
Just keep your head up and do your best
What else can I say beyond all that?
But Love is the key that keeps you on track
And therein lies the greatest mystery of all
How can something with no shape or form
hold you upright and not let you fall?
It’s in your spirit, your very soul
The energy that makes you whole
You don’t even need your physical form
Except to take action and get the job done
Make your presence known
On this earth, in this time
And do all you can to set things straight
Make it all rhyme
You don’t even need to steer this ride
'Cause God is at the helm
Just trust... and He will guide
He is the Maestro, the Conductor of Souls
He’s the only One who really knows you…
Because He made you
Look around you, see what He’s done
It’s all as it should be, in perfect order
This masterpiece of creation
Why do you question the Maestro’s word?
Why do you doubt the ultimate power?
Just accept His love
He wants you to have it
And be about living in the light
‘til it becomes a habit!
The answer you've been seeking
lies within, if you understand it
The greatest mystery of all
isn't really a mystery
It is Love, pure and simple
Give it away...
then you will have it!
Spring is here
Showing its color
Peeking out from under
Winter’s blanket, soft and warm
The sun brings forth new life in every form
Snow is melting, setting free
Lifeblood of the earth
Waters flow to the sea
The circle of life continues its journey
The wind blows gently
God’s breath, Holy Spirit
Gives life so freely
Whispers of love, you can hear it
All things of the earth
Living, breathing, sacred worth
Their song must be heard
It’s our choice to preserve
This gift from the heavens, so lovely a jewel
God granted this planet, our home for awhile
Treasures upon it for our enjoyment
Survival, recreation, even employment
It sustains our lives, gives food to nourish
Sweet music to listen, and beauty to flourish
We must cherish the value of this great gift
Entrusted to our care
Our home together with all things living
It asks that we learn to share
Survival of the fittest was part of the plan
But killing with malice and raping the land
Was not the intent
We’ve lost respect
Man’s power abused
God is not amused
Creation cries out, her music speaks
Her tone, her rhythm, her very heartbeat
Listen, you can hear the plea
Of nature’s call to you and me
The undertones of pain and suffering
Heard across the planet
Creation groans, asks for an offering
Of peace and good will, our commitment to save it!
Before the earthquake and subsequent tsunami struck Japan a little over a week ago, I had plans for my next blog post and it was in the process of coming together. I had gathered bits and pieces of things I had already written on the subject, including a poem, and all I had to do was wrap my brain around how I was going to present it and start typing. Simple enough, right?
Then on March 11, news of the earthquake in Japan came to my attention, and as more and more information became known and more and more images were seen on the internet, I found myself to be suddenly mute. I was struggling to find words. I couldn't even make a simple comment in response to friends' posts on facebook or messages via email. I tried, but... nothing! I kept thinking about the children... and Michael - how absolutely heartsick he must be to see these beautiful children in a country he loved so very much dealing with such horrible devastation! This was weighing so heavily on my heart, that everything else seemed empty and pointless compared to the thought of these little ones living the darkest days of their lives.
I had a very strong feeling that Michael would be there, doing his Angel thing - whatever he could do to save some and comfort others. And while life carried on as usual all around me, I felt somewhat detached as if I was circling overhead, watching what was going on below, not quite sure where to land or where my presence would be the most help or to whom. I donated what I could financially to the relief efforts, and I just kept praying... for the children and their families... for the rescue workers... for Michael.
A week later, I knew I wasn't going to write what I had originally intended to write, but I needed to write or do something... anything... to recognize what was going on over there. I couldn't sit here in my comfortable home with my comfortable life and act as if it wasn't happening! I could feel their pain, their fear, their sorrow and their confusion. I finally broke down and shared with a friend how I was feeling... then the words started to come.
Thank you, dear Michael
For sharing your magic
Your wonderment of all things sacred
The moon and the stars
The mysteries of the universe
Your appreciation for beauty and innocence
And your childlike awe at the miracles of nature
As if you were seeing it all for the very first time
Thank you, dear Michael
For inviting me to be a child again
To experience the reverence forgotten
To hold a caterpillar in the palm of my hand
And giggle at the way it tickles
To imagine what lies beyond the stars
And to know that anything is possible wherever you are
Thank you, dear Michael
For the gift of your light and your love
Your heart and your soul
Have become a part of me
Thank you for helping me to feel again
For bringing me back to my heartspace
Reminding me that all that really matters in life
Comes from the heavens above
That music is the only true language of love
And all of creation sings her song
Thank you, dear Michael
For sharing your enchantment
For making it possible to dream
To believe in magic and moonbeams
And to know what you know…
That everything is exactly as it was created to be
And all we need do is open our hearts
To see with new vision what is already there
Thank you, dear Michael
For your message to a world in sorrow
An evening’s sunset
A colorful rainbow
Or a shooting star
To remind us that you are always here
And even from afar
You are guiding us toward a better tomorrow
Occasionally one of Michael's songs which I have listened to faithfully over the last year and a half will suddenly take on a new meaning for me as the lyrics resonate with something deep in my soul - something that decides it is time to come into the light and make itself known. Lately, I've been listening to the album "Michael" almost exlusively since it came out in December. I can't seem to get enough of it! The more I listen to it, the more I want to hear it all over again. As with all of Michael's music, there just seems to be something about it that you want to absorb into every cell of your being. The very essence of him - his message, his love for us and his concern for humanity - is present in every single song! The lyrics, the beat, the melody, and of course, his amazing voice in its every unique expression pulls you in and holds you there. I love to sing along too, so each time I hear a song I pick up a few more lyrics that I'm able to recite along with him, until I know it well enough to belt it out confidently, sometimes singing harmony and other times the melody depending on the range of the parts. (Michael can reach notes much higher than I can!) It is only when I have learned the entire song that I can truly enjoy the experience of being his vocal partner in a duet made just for Michael and me! :)
But I digress...
In recent weeks, I've been particularly drawn to "Keep Your Head Up" and "Best of Joy." From the comments published in the CD cover, we know that Best of Joy is a song Michael wrote for all of us. And, of all the songs on the album, it is the one that was written and recorded most recently - in early 2009. It warms my heart every time I hear him sing "I am the moonlight, You are the spring, Our love's a sacred thing, You know I always will love you...
I am forever, We are forever!" God bless him! It's almost as if he knew we were going to need to hear those words after he was gone. In fact, many of his songs are like that - even those from decades past. There's just something about much of his music over the years that feels as if it was created in preparation for this time, you know? Inviting us into a love relationship with him that would last forever, and inviting us to join him in his mission to heal the world.
"Keep Your Head Up" also feels like such a song. To me, it's not just about a single mother struggling to live day-to-day or paycheck-to-paycheck. The message is directed at any one of us who may feel uncertain, overwhelmed, lost or hopeless at any time in our lives, but especially on this journey with Michael. It's a message from him to give us strength to keep going when we may feel like giving up; because he knew the challenges we would face in attempting to make a change in this world, and he wanted to give us something to lift our spirits and bring us hope, encouraging us not to give up. He briefly mentions the plight of the planet and adds "It's never too late - just lean on me... Keep your head up, Don't give up today." And his final plea to all of us "I need your love, I need you now, I need your light right here today, I need you now!" while the chorus is singing about the sun shining it's light on us today, tells me he is urgently pleading with us to stay strong and to let our lights shine in the world... NOW! Had Michael been able to finish this song himself, I believe this is where his voice would have increased in intensity to reflect the urgency of the message. As it stands, the words speak for themselves and deliver the message just as powerfully: He needs us to be present and actively doing something... anything to make a contribution toward healing this planet.
The chorus of this anthem gives us a clue as to how we are to accomplish this:
Keepin' your head up to the sky
Keepin' your mind up stay alive Give me your wings so we can fly
Keepin' your head up to the sky
We can just rise up, tell me now Give me your wings so we can fly
Looking up to the sky has become a daily habit of mine. I do it every chance I get. I have found many treasures there and I always feel a strong connection to Michael when I do. The moon and the stars, cloud formations, sunbeams, rainbows, sunsets and sunrises, birds in flight... these things all carry a message or a special meaning that only a true Michael lover would understand. Michael himself found much inspiration in looking to the sky while considering all the possibilities in the universe that lie within our vision... and beyond. He was spiritually in tune with all of it. It nourished him and kept his creativity fresh and divinely dazzling. I, too, have felt this sense of connection and nourishment and have written several poems inspired by the things I've witnessed there. To me, the sky is God's canvas to paint as He chooses with colors and images of things and concepts that many an artist, writer and poet have found fascinating - whether for pure and simple enjoyment of the beauty of it or to possibly relay a message hidden in the context of the art. Metaphors abound if one is open to recognize them, and one can easily be caught in the spell of love, power, light, majesty, and awe-inspired story as told by the Creator of Heaven and Earth. It's where magic lives. I really believe Michael exists there. It's only natural, considering everything we know about him and his soul. He was and is, above everything else, an artist to his very core - a creative genius unlike any other we've ever known. His own unique expression through his art will never be duplicated, and the lengths to which he explored and was willing to go in order to take us on his adventure were unlimited!
In the verses of the chorus above, he encourages us to keep our heads up to the sky (where we will find our strength and inspiration.) And when he sings "Give me your wings so WE can fly"... he means just that. He needs our help to continue his work in the world ("I can't do it by myself... gonna take somebody's help"), and he's given us all the tools we need in his music. He holds us up with his words and his love, but he does not enable us to depend on him. He wants us to shine our own light in the world, because he knows we all have that capability. He lifts us up to help us find our own light, spread our own wings and tap into our own power to fly, and he will be flying right there with us. His message is that together, with our combined light and love, we can accomplish great things!
I'm the kind of person who has always been most comfortable hanging out in the background. Being a cog that helps the machine function effortlessly is what I do best. Taking care of logistics, details, paperwork, and anything else that needs doing in order to make a project run smoothly has been my job... in my career and in my personal life. Although my high school counselor said I was a leader among my peers, I didn't see myself that way. And, until recently, I didn't see myself as the creative type either. Oh, I had creative skills and ideas which I never hesitated to share with those who were 'in charge.' I didn't think twice about allowing them to take full credit for my ideas. To me, it was safer that way because if the idea failed, it would be on their shoulders, not mine! Nice cop-out, eh? I had an unreasonable fear of criticism, and I would be terribly embarrassed to be caught in the spotlight, even if I were to be caught doing something remarkable. But mostly I feared making a mistake for all to see because I'm a perfectionist (much like Michael) and any little error made in front of others would surely send me running to the hills to hide out in shame for the rest of my life! (I told you my fear was unreasonable.) So..... for most of my life, I played it safe. And because of this, I haven't accomplished nearly as much as I probably could have out of sheer terror of getting it wrong. Nor have I been able to reach outside of myself to help others for the same reason. This is where being a perfectionist pulled me down, unlike Michael whose perfectionism allowed him to soar to extraordinary heights and shine his light far beyond anything we could ever imagine. He is a beacon of brilliant light to all of us who have experienced pain and hardship in our lives and have allowed it to hold us back. By his example of courage and perseverance, and with his unconditional love for each of us, he has inspired us to spread our wings and fly... to let our lights shine before others!
Not long after this journey with Michael began, I had a dream that Michael came to the place where I work and was going to put on a concert there. Before the concert started, I was busily working in the background doing what I do best, making sure all the necessary things were in place so that everything would run smoothly. I remember distinctly the moment Michael arrived and he began warming up on stage. I stopped what I was doing long enough to watch this musical genius at work from across the room. Even in my dream he had a presence about him that was indescribable - I could feel it - and right now as I'm typing this, I am in tears remembering what it felt like to be in the same room with him. I was in awe!! And I stayed just far enough away and slightly out of sight so he wouldn't see me watching (or so I thought.) I would have been horribly embarrassed if he'd even looked my way! Soon, I busied myself again with my work and I didn't notice when he came up behind me and tapped me on the shoulder. I knew it was him before I even turned around. I caught my breath and held it there for a moment (very much like the breath Michael took in "The Way You Make Me Feel" video when he first saw the beautiful girl - I love that moment!) I summoned all my courage, composed myself and turned around to face him. He was stunning! Right there in front of me! And my knees felt like they were going to buckle under at any moment. But I remained surprisingly calm and waited for him to talk first. He then invited me to come up front with him. He asked me to introduce him when the concert started and he wanted me to join him in singing the opening song! I was flabbergasted by his request, wondering how he even knew that I could sing, and all I could say was... "What about my job? I have work to do." And he said, "Give it to her", pointing to a woman across the room who looked a little lost, as if she was wanting something to do. "She needs something to do and she can handle it just fine." So, I said "Alright, as long as you don't make me dance!" and, after giving the woman a few instructions, I joined Michael on stage. I woke up about this time in the dream. I don't remember doing the introduction or singing with him, but that wasn't the point. The point of this dream, for me, was that he was inviting me to share my light up front for all to see. He seemed to see something in me that I didn't see in myself, and simply because he noticed, he gave me permission to shine... without fear... to spread my wings and fly!!! And the fact that he knew I could do this without even knowing me, gave me the courage to do it. He took me out of my comfortable place of hiding in the background where it was safe and he lifted me to a place of prominence where my gifts could be shared with others, bringing joy and inspiration just as he has done his entire life. This dream represents everything he has done for me since he cracked my heart wide open in the summer of 2009.
Now, all this talk about shining and flying brings me to the reason I started writing this piece to begin with! After contemplating the lyrics to these two beautiful and very meaningful songs, "Best of Joy" and "Keep Your Head Up", I knew it was time for me to share a couple of poems I'd written in the last year about flying. The first one "If I Could Fly" reminds me of "Best of Joy" simply because it's a joyful and playful piece. One that reflects a feeling of pure joy and abandon at imagining what it would feel like to be able to fly. I wrote it in July of 2010 when I was on one of my ocean retreats as I watched the seagulls playing in the air currents on a very windy day at the beach. I used to have dreams about flying and, to this day, I still remember what it felt like to soar above the earth. It was incredible! Somewhere along the path of my life, I stopped having those dreams, and this poem was, in a sense, a re-capturing of that feeling of being able to soar and command the air in flight.
Photo taken by C. Burgess at Brookings Harbor, Oregon coast
If I Could Fly
If I could fly
Like a seagull flies
Dipping and swooping
Playing with the wind
Surfing
On a wave of air
With total abandon
Never a care
Perched atop a rock at sea
I would plan my strategy
Which way to go
To get the best lift
Make the wind carry me to the sky
Then swoop to the ground
Like falling off a cliff
Gliding with precision
So close to the ground
Like an airplane
Coming in for a landing
A roller coaster ride
On a windy day
It’s by far the best time to play
Going with the flow
I’d swing and I'd sway
Let the wind have its way
Like a kite with no strings
This must be
What it feels like
To be totally and utterly free!
The second poem "Just Do It!" reminds me more of "Keep Your Head Up" in that it's about taking a leap of faith - without thinking about it too much - just taking off and flying, allowing myself to soar to the heights God intended. I wrote this poem at my ocean retreat in December 2010. I was eating breakfast at the resort where I was staying, watching the seagulls take off from their perch on the rooftop of a nearby building. I had been feeling somewhat "stuck" in recent weeks leading up to this retreat and I was looking to find some answers and fresh inspiration to move forward on this journey. Watching these seagulls take off without a thought, simply because it was natural to them, is what inspired this piece.
Just Do It!
Up high, so high
I can’t even see the sky
‘Cause I’m in it!
There is no limit to what I can do
If I believe…
Just do it!
Impossible, you say?
I don’t think so
There is always a way
Turned on by the power of love
I can do anything
Once I choose to move
Into the groove
Thanks to you, dear one
Your love lights up the sky
Even on a cloudy day
I don’t need to ask why
Birds in flight
Show me how it’s done
They just take off
Without a thought!
It’s natural to them, you see
God gave them wings
To fly above me
To me he gave a spirit to fly
Above the clouds
So high in the sky
So I could see the world below
Its beauty and pain
So I would know
My heart and soul say
Step aside, make some room
For love to enter the atmosphere
No more doom and gloom!
Up high, so high
I can’t even see the sky
‘Cause I’m in it!
There is no limit to what I can do
If I believe…
Just do it!
My hope and prayer is that we will ALL continue to experience Michael's "Best of Joy" on this journey, being the very best that we can be for God, for Michael and for ourselves - and also sharing our light right here today and spreading our wings so WE can fly together with him! If we continue to do this... I mean really DO this, not just talk about it... we will achieve his ultimate dream, heading toward that bliss which Michael has written so much about, doing our part to make this world a better place... for God... for Michael... and for the children.
It was brought to my attention on January 31 this year that this was the date in 2005 when Michael stood before a judge and plead 'not guilty' to unthinkable charges which were brought against him by a money hungry family and a greedy politician. I couldn't get the imagined picture of him standing in that courtroom proclaiming his innocence out of my mind. Other images of his famous walks to and from the courthouse in Santa Maria, California, during the 5 month trial that followed his official plea flooded my thoughts as well. And I couldn't help thinking about all the events leading up to that time as well as the events that followed the jury's verdict of "Not Guilty" 14 times on June 13, 2005. This date will stand out in history as the day Michael Jackson was declared innocent of child molestation; but even though he was exonerated, the truth is, his life would never be the same after that. And we continued to hear slanderous remarks and innuendoes regurgitated by the media and the public from those who just couldn't seem to believe in his innocence. It's an unfortunate and an unjustified misconception we are still dealing with today.
This is not the first time I have thought of these things, nor is it the first time I have cried many tears over the injustice of this insane situation and how it crushed Michael's soul! But this is the first time I found the words to express all that was occupying my heart and mind when these images - these memories - came flooding back all at once.
This remarkable journey I've been on with Michael since June 25, 2009, has led me through some extreme highs and lows along the way, learning new things at every turn about this innocent and generous man we all love so very much. I just keep loving him more and more as time goes on and I want him to know how much of a difference he has made in my life. I want him to know that everything he gave us...all he sacrificed...all he endured was somehow not in vain. The impact he has made on my life and the lives of so many around the world is a powerful testimony to the effectiveness of his life's work and the mission he was here to accomplish! I bow before him in humble gratitude for the precious gifts he shared with us at such a high cost! And I thank God every day for the gift of Michael in this world!
His message was love, pure and simple... we got it!... And we're not letting it go!
Innocent!
An innocent man went to trial today
Accused of things he couldn't even say
Seventy officers invaded his home
Ransacked and pillaged through everything he owned
The paradise he'd created
Lost its soul that day
And Neverland lost its Peter Pan
Because they couldn't accept
He was an innocent man
Handcuffed, paraded before all of humanity
Viscious tongues lashed out in glee, "He's Guilty!"
The lynching began before the trial even started
This innocent man was hate's favorite target
Thirsty for blood, they couldn't wait
For him to meet his presumed fate
Humble and proud, he stood before the judge
"I'm not guilty, your honor
And I want you to know I won't hold a grudge
I forgive them, you see
For they know not what they do
I'll face the jury
Then the world will know the truth"
His innocent nature was not an act
Some found it hard to believe
'Cause the truth is, as a matter of fact
On stage he was a 'beast'
A sensitive man to the very core
An artist, a genius, a master of his craft
We'd never seen anything... or anyone
Quite like him before
His love of children
Was the whole of his existence
Without them, you see, he wouldn't want to be
The children of the world were his reason for living
They knew his true soul
His innocence they could see
A healer of the sick
And a lover of all things pure
He believed in magic, this innocent man
And he only wanted to share it
With everyone throughout the land
Bringing joy and escapism
To this hurting world
He gave us all he had to give
His love, energy and light
Put our spirits in a whirl
Growing wings to fly
Like Peter Pan
Above the clouds so high
A child at heart
God's innocent delight
He inspired us all to be child-like
To love as a child loves
And to remember their plight
But the media vultures
And their pandering public
Didn't understand
The purity of his soul
They really believed
He was capable of hurting
The very thing
That made him feel whole
They judged and ridiculed
Laughed and pointed
Chewed him up and spit him out
They were ugly and mean
They just didn't understand
What this innocent man
Was really all about
The trial was a farce
It should never have been
And ultimately
They couldn't convict
This innocent man
But they took his soul
In two thousand and five
And even though
He came back to show us
He was ever alive
This innocent man
Would leave us again
When the doctor contrived
To let him die
In the year two thousand and nine
Although his body is gone from this earth
His spirit lives on
A new day, a new birth!
His love penetrates
The hearts of those who believe
'Cause he planted the seed
In you and in me
The gifts God gave him for us to see
How to live and love and just how to be
Have inspired us to be the very best that we can be
He gave us insight to heal this planet
So, we're workin' day and night to put some love back in it
Light of my life
Hope of my soul
Desire of my heart
Who knew it would be you?
And that you would be who you are?
To the world
To the children
To the heavens and the earth
Of Sacred worth
In communion with all that you are
Mystic... Shaman... Angel of God
Love personified
Dreams electrified
High art in human form
Mystery of our time
Power sent forth to heal the world
Dancing the dream
You endured such pain
Body and blood, heart and soul
Given to heal our sickness
Would take its toll
Our shadow was to blame
Now, we bow our heads in shame
Who knew it would be you?
Brilliant light cast upon the earth
Touching souls
Collecting and gathering
We, your children, into the fold
Before you would exit
Leaving us to be
Your messengers of love
To carry on your dream
Of a world filled with peace
Joy and harmony
Who knew it would be Us?
We are your children
Your chosen ones
Are we up to the task?
Do we have what it takes?
Do we even need to ask?
It's time to take the world by storm
To make truth and justice simply the norm
No more questions
No more doubts
It's time to teach the world
What this thing is all about
With love at the core of all we do
We'll be your voice
We'll tell them...
It was You!
It was you who believed in us all along
That's why you never stopped singing your song
You knew it would be us
Your love was the fuel
Igniting this fire
You knew we'd make a fuss
And carry on your desire
Mystic... Shaman... Angel of God
Love personified
Dreams electrified
Light of our lives
Hope of our souls
Power sent forth to heal the world
Who knew it would be you?
Christmas Day 2009...Six months since Michael's death. Six months of extreme emotions and still not understanding it all. Why was his death affecting me so powerfully? And why was I persistently compelled to learn more about this man, and driven to dig deeper with every discovery? I didn't know the answers to these questions, but I did know that God was moving mountains inside of me, and there had to be a very good reason. The love that was growing in my heart for a man I never knew was very real and intense. The palpable reality of a world in need of change along with a growing awareness that I was somehow to play a part in its healing became more apparent to me as time went on. But I still didn't understand the "How?" or the "Why?" of it. And, to add to this challenge, there was a nagging, shadowy doubt that would visit me frequently along this path, causing me to question the validity of my experience. In spite of that, a part of me knew that no matter how confused I was about all of this, I just needed to believe, and to know that God would reveal what I needed to know when I needed to know it.
In the weeks leading up to Christmas, I had been feeling called to the ocean. The last time I was near the ocean was about a week after Michael’s death, when I bought his “Number Ones” CD and began listening to his music again after many years without it. I drove through the majestic Redwoods and all along the Northern California coastline while listening to him sing to me those familiar tunes...his passion and energy infusing itself into the deepest part of my soul! I had forgotten how powerful that energy was - it was beginning to work its magic on me once again, touching me and opening my heart after years of living in a self-imposed protective bubble. It was the beginning of a remarkable journey of discovery for me. It was also the beginning of my extreme grief over his loss - to myself and to the world.
A private coastal retreat over the Christmas holiday in 2009 would prove to be a major turning point on this journey. Michael's spirit touched me in a way that is difficult to explain. Three days entirely devoted to communing with nature...meditating and talking with God...listening to Michael's music...and writing daily journal entries after 6 months of intense grieving and soul awakening moments, would set the stage for a remarkable spiritual experience and an unwavering connection to Michael. He found a way to let me know in a very personal and clear manner that not only was this connection very real, but also that he wasn't going anywhere - that he would stay with me through this experience and I could count on it! I felt in my heart as if Michael's commitment was God's gift to give me strength for the journey ahead.
The day I was to return home from my ocean retreat was the day I wrote my very first poem. It was short and sweet, a simple verse, but the words flowed through me like running water. I'd never had that experience before and it was quite profound! I cherished that little verse because I thought it was the only poem I would ever write - my "Christmas Sun" miracle - but God and Michael had other plans for me. This new gift of writing was also here to stay!
O Christmas Sun
O Christmas Sun, My Love, My Light You’ve given me strength to endure the night In a fleeting moment you did appear You gave me hope, took away my fear You touched my soul, so deep, so true And brought me joy at the sight of you Your heart is warm, your beauty bright Your gift is Love, My Sun, My Light! ~ Forever and Always, Michael… “I thank God!” ~ Charlene ~
Several months and many poems later, on a beautiful spring day in March, I went to a local park on my lunch break. Enjoying the warmth of the sun as well as the sights and sounds of children playing, I was inspired to write the following poem...
Here To Stay
It's a beautiful Spring day The leaves of April are on their way The sun warms me through and through Love so intense coming from you
Reminds me of that Christmas Day Not so long ago You let me know You were here to stay
You offered your light and said, "Let it be your strength… forthright…your soul set free! Share the warmth with tender care And remember... Love is the temptress, the gentle snare
When challenged, hold fast, shine your light, be true to yourself, you know what's right Your soul was created to carry this cross With courage and vision, commitment to the cause
Facing down your doubts and fears when those who judge come forth to jeer Confronting, challenging the truth as you know it
Just breathe… Remember the love... Remember to show it."
I will call forth the lessons you left behind For others to hear Change their minds Their hearts transformed, no longer conformed
Love is the weapon of choice to use In defense of your voice, my heavenly muse Your beauty, your courage, displayed through me The Gift illuminated for all to see
Higher expectations, raising the bar You’re still getting our attention from afar!
You knew that, didn’t you?…goin’ in Your light would be forever stayin’ In the hearts of those who’d be your messengers The legend to tell…your truth…lessons learned
Children at play On this beautiful day Remind me of all you stood for Their souls so pure Would be the lure Your music inspired, to open the door
Help us to see the need that exists To care for and love them without remiss Value their souls, so they can be Happy and whole, their very best
You've asked us to nurture These little ones So close to God For they are the hope of the future Why would anyone consider this odd?
They will carry your message, your perfect love, for generations to come They’ll see the world become a better place Turn this one ‘round, change its face!
Years from now when I look back To see what kept me on track The sun warming me through and through Love so intense coming from you I’ll remember that Christmas Day So long ago When you let me know You were here to stay
Several months into this journey with Michael, my confidence in what I was experiencing continued to grow. But it was by no means a straight path! Trust in my intuition as well as belief in Michael's presence would take many dips along the way into that dark pool of doubt. And sometimes the notion that Michael Jackson's spirit could actually be touching base with ME just seemed too outrageous to be true! I mean, we're talking the biggest star in the world here! There were times when the reality of this would hit me and I would ask myself why I would ever think that Michael Jackson would even have the slightest notion of who I was. It just seemed insane at times!! It didn't always make sense from a practical standpoint, and that was the gauge I was accustomed to using - my practical sense of earthly things - things I could see with my own eyes. My faith in God was probably about the only exception to this. In every other spiritual sense, I had been playing it safe far too long and had very little trust in things unseen or in matters of the heart and soul.
I had been considering attending a local "Holistic Faire" for some time to get a reading from someone with psychic abilities. I didn't know much about it, but I had been to one of these faires previously with my daughter, sat with her and took notes while she received a reading. I was mostly curious to hear what someone with this special gift would feel or sense coming from me or in the energy field around me. In a way, I think I was wanting to receive some kind of validation of what I was experiencing. A complex mix of thoughts and feelings were having their way with me about taking this risk - putting myself out there to be examined on a spiritual level by a complete stranger. Not knowing how reliable their "gift" would be and knowing that mistakes could be made caused an inner conflict with my need for validation. What would I hear? And what would I DO with that information? Most important, how would it effect my own perception of my personal experience? Would the reading be so vague that I would not find the answers I was seeking; consequently, adding even more weight to the doubt which already plagued me from time to time?
In March, after much inner deliberation, I made the decision to attend the Holistic Faire. The plan was to just wander around the room to get a feel for who was there, how I was feeling about being there, and to make a decision at that time whether I would go for a reading. Well, almost as soon as I entered the building, I felt a sense of dis-ease about it, but I wasn't entirely sure why. There were many people attending this faire, so there was a noticeable "buzz" in the room. It was a positive energy among people who were already well acquainted with one another, lending a sense of community to the environment. Under normal circumstances, this would be a good thing; however, my vulnerability caused me to feel very much like a stranger in a strange land. I proceeded with my original plan, picked up some information at the front table and walked around the room, reading the bio's on all the participants and getting a feel of the space. A variety of psychic gifts were represented, all of which I knew very little about. Each booth was only semi-private, with other people waiting in line for their readings. It all seemed too distracting and impersonal. My experience with Michael and our connection felt very personal to me, and the thought of exposing it to a stranger in this environment was quite unsettling. It didn't take me long to decide that I was not ready for this! I determined that I might consider a private reading later on, but for now, it just didn't feel right. When I left the facility, I went for a drive to process my feelings, stopped at a favorite spot along the river, and wrote the poem "Exposed" which is printed below.
Later on, I told a friend and mentor about the decision I'd made and she affirmed my choice, saying that I had done the right thing by following my intuition about the discomfort I was feeling, and she thought it was important for me to discern from my heart what my own truth was about this experience with Michael. Imagine that...me, getting back in touch with my heart and trusting it! I'm happy to say that I have made much progress in that area since March. Now, for the most part, I "just know" when Michael is present, communicating with me in his own unique ways to let me know this experience IS, indeed, authentic and he will be there when I need him. I no longer feel the need for human validation of this incredible journey, as this adventure has been affirmed by God and Michael in all the ways they make themselves known to me. As I stated in a previous post...they're in this together, you know!
Getting back to my heartspace and trusting it has been such an amazing gift, and I celebrate this Gift every single day! Although the path is still not entirely straight, my confidence in the truth of this experience has grown tremendously. I no longer question it. And Michael has been nothing if not consistent at showing up at just the right time to give me a loving nudge, sharing a little more of his light with me so I can see my way to the next thing - moving ahead inch by agonizing inch toward the goal of making the world a better place! Perseverance is one of his greatest virtues!
Exposed
Feeling exposed Walking into a crowded room Filled with those who would know my fate so soon
Can I trust their gift to get it right May cause a rift, what is their insight My soul laid open for all to see What lies inside of me
Escaping the prison that was my life My wounded soul sliced open with a knife His death would be The start of a new journey My broken heart revealing My truth, all that I’ve been feeling
This awakening Charged with joy, fraught with pain Something inside me come to life again I’m learning to trust, to understand The message, my part, his guiding hand
Not always sure of my sanity Someone said, that’s ego, it fears its own mortality Be gentle with it, it’s like a child Selfish needs will try to rule, resist, defile
But if I believe in my calling Love will rule the day Keep me from falling prey To those who doubt, including my fragile ego This is not about self, God is freeing me to go To places I’ve only dreamed Experiencing love in the extreme My gift to impart to others from my heart
The journey so far has been resplendent Overflowing with love, light and encouragement Taking me beyond my wildest expectations His light so bright, filling all the empty spaces
Wanna hold on, never let go Can I keep the light burning all on my own Is my belief strong enough to withstand Comments from those who don’t “get” the man Can I still love and know as God knows What lies within must be exposed Still wanting to protect this precious gift If others inspect, will the treasure be lifted Invasion of privacy allows them to judge Can I be exposed without bending to the nudge
Vulnerable, but strong, taking a stand For truth, love and justice, he’ll hold my hand He won’t let go, for this is the call The mission to send his message to all If validation is what I seek Remember his courage and don’t be weak All that he endured for the cause Will give me strength and conviction without pause
Being exposed is part of the test Persecution from all the rest Will be my cross to bear For this great love I am blessed to share
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