Christmas Day 2009...Six months since Michael's death. Six months of extreme emotions and still not understanding it all. Why was his death affecting me so powerfully? And why was I persistently compelled to learn more about this man, and driven to dig deeper with every discovery? I didn't know the answers to these questions, but I did know that God was moving mountains inside of me, and there had to be a very good reason. The love that was growing in my heart for a man I never knew was very real and intense. The palpable reality of a world in need of change along with a growing awareness that I was somehow to play a part in its healing became more apparent to me as time went on. But I still didn't understand the "How?" or the "Why?" of it. And, to add to this challenge, there was a nagging, shadowy doubt that would visit me frequently along this path, causing me to question the validity of my experience. In spite of that, a part of me knew that no matter how confused I was about all of this, I just needed to believe, and to know that God would reveal what I needed to know when I needed to know it.
In the weeks leading up to Christmas, I had been feeling called to the ocean. The last time I was near the ocean was about a week after Michael’s death, when I bought his “Number Ones” CD and began listening to his music again after many years without it. I drove through the majestic Redwoods and all along the Northern California coastline while listening to him sing to me those familiar tunes...his passion and energy infusing itself into the deepest part of my soul! I had forgotten how powerful that energy was - it was beginning to work its magic on me once again, touching me and opening my heart after years of living in a self-imposed protective bubble. It was the beginning of a remarkable journey of discovery for me. It was also the beginning of my extreme grief over his loss - to myself and to the world.
A private coastal retreat over the Christmas holiday in 2009 would prove to be a major turning point on this journey. Michael's spirit touched me in a way that is difficult to explain. Three days entirely devoted to communing with nature...meditating and talking with God...listening to Michael's music...and writing daily journal entries after 6 months of intense grieving and soul awakening moments, would set the stage for a remarkable spiritual experience and an unwavering connection to Michael. He found a way to let me know in a very personal and clear manner that not only was this connection very real, but also that he wasn't going anywhere - that he would stay with me through this experience and I could count on it! I felt in my heart as if Michael's commitment was God's gift to give me strength for the journey ahead.
The day I was to return home from my ocean retreat was the day I wrote my very first poem. It was short and sweet, a simple verse, but the words flowed through me like running water. I'd never had that experience before and it was quite profound! I cherished that little verse because I thought it was the only poem I would ever write - my "Christmas Sun" miracle - but God and Michael had other plans for me. This new gift of writing was also here to stay!
O Christmas Sun
O Christmas Sun, My Love, My Light
You’ve given me strength to endure the night
In a fleeting moment you did appear
You gave me hope, took away my fear
You touched my soul, so deep, so true
And brought me joy at the sight of you
Your heart is warm, your beauty bright
Your gift is Love, My Sun, My Light!
~
Forever and Always, Michael…
“I thank God!”
~ Charlene ~
12/28/09
Copyright © 2009 by Charlene Burgess
Here To Stay
It's a beautiful Spring day
The leaves of April are on their way
The sun warms me through and through
Love so intense coming from you
Not so long ago
You let me know
You were here to stay
You offered your light
and said, "Let it be
your strength… forthright…your soul set free!
Share the warmth with tender care
And remember...
Love is the temptress, the gentle snare
shine your light,
be true to yourself, you know what's right
Your soul was created to carry this cross
With courage and vision, commitment to the cause
Facing down your doubts and fears
when those who judge come forth to jeer
Confronting, challenging the truth as you know it
Remember the love...
Remember to show it."
I will call forth the lessons you left behind
For others to hear
Change their minds
Their hearts transformed, no longer conformed
Love is the weapon of choice to use
In defense of your voice, my heavenly muse
Your beauty, your courage, displayed through me
The Gift illuminated for all to see
Higher expectations, raising the bar
You’re still getting our attention from afar!
You knew that, didn’t you?…goin’ in
Your light would be forever stayin’
In the hearts of those who’d be your messengers
The legend to tell…your truth…lessons learned
Children at play
On this beautiful day
Remind me of all you stood for
Their souls so pure
Would be the lure
Your music inspired, to open the door
To care for and love them without remiss
Value their souls, so they can be
Happy and whole, their very best
You've asked us to nurture
These little ones
So close to God
For they are the hope of the future
Why would anyone consider this odd?
They will carry your message, your perfect love,
for generations to come
They’ll see the world become a better place
Turn this one ‘round, change its face!
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Years from now when I look back
To see what kept me on track
The sun warming me through and through
Love so intense coming from you
I’ll remember that Christmas Day
So long ago
When you let me know
You were here to stay
03/19/10
Copyright © 2010 by Charlene Burgess
You have such a sweet way of describing your feelings and mine. thank you so much for the love you put into your writing.
ReplyDeleteThe love comes from above - I am blessed to share it!
ReplyDeleteThank you mjeverafter for being here...God Bless You!
Dear Charlene,
ReplyDeleteI just discovered your beautiful website. It's truly amazing isn't it--the way Michael has so profoundly touched the hearts of countless people all over the planet? His passing was one of those seminal moments. I, too, am a fan that has been "called" to make this journey.
Seeing This Is It ignited the fire. I haven't been the same since. I've always been a caring, compassionate person. I'm a life-long animal lover and realized my dream of working for an animal advocacy organization four years ago. Michael's love of animals always intrigued me. People who love animals "feel" on a deeper level. He possessed such elevated consciousness which makes you keenly aware of everything. But with that comes the pain of feeling all the hurt and sadness in the world.
I now understand what Michael's real purpose was. He was a messenger, an angel of light, to bring love and compassion to an indifferent world. His love of children was so profound, so moving that he convinced me that we all must play a role to help children in our world.
Every one of us needs to be moved to act and help to end child abuse and neglect.
We will never understand why he had to endure so much pain and be hurt in the most vicious way possible, by creating lies that sought to corrupt his pure love of children but God was always beside him and we need to be the ones to make the world aware of his innocence, his true purpose and stop the lies and character assassination.
It's a joy to make your acquaintance, albeit a "cyber" one. There is no greater proof of the beauty and sweetness of Michael than to meet so many other kind and caring souls who have one abiding commonality--a deep love and respect for Michael.
Your poetry is beautiful. In some of the lovely fan books I've read, it was clear that he loved creativity and beautiful expression. I hope with all my heart that he feels our sincere love and is gently soothed by so many beautiful and heartfelt words surrounding him. There are times when I miss him so much but I don't wish that he would come back to us. He deserves complete happiness and peace. He deserves to soar and reach heights he's only dreamed of but are now a reality for him.
One day I hope to meet him, finally, in paradise and thank him for making me and so many others, better persons.
God bless you, Charlene!
L.O.V.E. now, L.O.V.E forever!
Dear ladypurr,
ReplyDeleteI am so pleased you stopped by and took the time to leave your beautiful message! Your words have touched me deeply and I, too, am happy to make your acquaintance.
Yes, it is quite amazing the number of lives that have been impacted by Michael's life and passing. Our angel of light did his job well, didn't he? Thank goodness he had such a huge love in his heart and a strong faith to help him through the difficult times!
With everything he gave to us in his lifetime, it is now our turn to give him the gift of continuing his work in the world. He will have a long line of us to greet and hug when it's our time to enter paradise!
L.O.V.E. and Peace to you, my friend!
~ Charlene ~
Dear CHarlene,
ReplyDeleteStunning! This together with the video made me cry. I love many lines but these stood out to me especially "Love is the weapon of choice to use, in defense of your voice, my heavenly muse". Can I repost some of your poems on MJJC in my positive websites and videos that celebrate MJ, with a link to your blog and the specific page ?
You really have a gift with words!
LOve,
Elmira
Oh, thank you so much Elmira! After reading your post on MJJC, I knew you would relate to this one. Yes, this video does me in every time I watch it!! Still wiping my tears from watching it a moment ago. :)
ReplyDeleteYou are more than welcome to share some of my poems on MJJC! Are you thinking about sharing just excerpts or entire pieces? If you do an entire piece, I would appreciate you posting the copyright notation at the bottom, if you don't mind, along with a note "reprinted with permission". I'm considering publishing some of my work one day, and would just like to do what I can to protect it. I hope that doesn't sound too "snobbish", cuz I don't mean it that way. I am very happy to have you share it on your site and I'm honored that you asked! I like the idea of having a link to the blog there as well. Thank you so much!
I had a dream one night last spring of Michael saying to me "pearls of wisdom" over and over again. I wasn't totally paying attention, so he raised his voice the last time he said it just enough to make me startle and hear what he was saying! That morning, he gave me some words for a poem which, in essence, told me that I was to share my writings with others to lend support and inspiration for this journey we're all on together. At the time, I didn't quite know how I was going to do that, but in July, after another ocean retreat, the answer came to me that it was time to start a blog. So, here I am! And when I think about increasing readership of this blog, it is solely for the purpose of reaching as many as possible with the messages he inspires me to write. And that's really what it's all about. Every time I get a message from someone new who tells me they experienced a connection through something I wrote, I know that I am doing what Michael asked me to do. I figure he'll let me know when it's time to move on to something else!
I really appreciate your support!!
Love you to,
~ Char ~