Never goes away It remains in the heart Perhaps held at bay Only to surface On another dark day The journey to wholeness May seem endless When you’re feeling hopeless Lost and forgotten Your dreams have escaped you What now is your purpose?
Deep longing Unfulfilled
Be gentle with yourself When in its grip Be kind Take your time And try to understand This pain will guide you To a new place and time Where a light is hiding Waiting to be found It was placed in you at your birth It is the expression Of your beauty Your gift Your true worth
Deep longing Unfulfilled
Grief and sorrow over what is lost Must be honored first Whatever the cost The tide of emotions Inevitable pain Creates a void Leaves a space For something else To take its place Trust that the answers will come Filling that space That hole in your soul Your Godself awaits Joy and passion Will find expression Igniting the light That’s been hiding within
Deep longing Unfulfilled
Always remember The emptiness inside Make a vow right now To never forget Not to dwell Or stay in the darkness But to find compassion And share your light When others are held In its endless grip
Deep longing Unfulfilled
Comes full circle Its purpose revealed When Love is shared Given away This Gift of self Dims the pain Glowing heartspace Returns to you Sustained by Love’s everlasting embrace Its promise yields
"One thing I've learned, as a good friend once told me, 'God doesn't waste a hurt.' I don't believe God causes hurtful things to happen to us; in fact, I believe He's right there with us in our darkest hour crying as deeply as we are over our pain and suffering. I do believe God provides opportunities for us to find and receive His Love in the midst of our deepest sorrow. And He also brings us to healing solutions and discovering ways we can use our experience to help others." ~ C. Burgess
Christmas Day 2009...Six months since Michael's death. Six months of extreme emotions and still not understanding it all. Why was his death affecting me so powerfully? And why was I persistently compelled to learn more about this man, and driven to dig deeper with every discovery? I didn't know the answers to these questions, but I did know that God was moving mountains inside of me, and there had to be a very good reason. The love that was growing in my heart for a man I never knew was very real and intense. The palpable reality of a world in need of change along with a growing awareness that I was somehow to play a part in its healing became more apparent to me as time went on. But I still didn't understand the "How?" or the "Why?" of it. And, to add to this challenge, there was a nagging, shadowy doubt that would visit me frequently along this path, causing me to question the validity of my experience. In spite of that, a part of me knew that no matter how confused I was about all of this, I just needed to believe, and to know that God would reveal what I needed to know when I needed to know it.
In the weeks leading up to Christmas, I had been feeling called to the ocean. The last time I was near the ocean was about a week after Michael’s death, when I bought his “Number Ones” CD and began listening to his music again after many years without it. I drove through the majestic Redwoods and all along the Northern California coastline while listening to him sing to me those familiar tunes...his passion and energy infusing itself into the deepest part of my soul! I had forgotten how powerful that energy was - it was beginning to work its magic on me once again, touching me and opening my heart after years of living in a self-imposed protective bubble. It was the beginning of a remarkable journey of discovery for me. It was also the beginning of my extreme grief over his loss - to myself and to the world.
A private coastal retreat over the Christmas holiday in 2009 would prove to be a major turning point on this journey. Michael's spirit touched me in a way that is difficult to explain. Three days entirely devoted to communing with nature...meditating and talking with God...listening to Michael's music...and writing daily journal entries after 6 months of intense grieving and soul awakening moments, would set the stage for a remarkable spiritual experience and an unwavering connection to Michael. He found a way to let me know in a very personal and clear manner that not only was this connection very real, but also that he wasn't going anywhere - that he would stay with me through this experience and I could count on it! I felt in my heart as if Michael's commitment was God's gift to give me strength for the journey ahead.
The day I was to return home from my ocean retreat was the day I wrote my very first poem. It was short and sweet, a simple verse, but the words flowed through me like running water. I'd never had that experience before and it was quite profound! I cherished that little verse because I thought it was the only poem I would ever write - my "Christmas Sun" miracle - but God and Michael had other plans for me. This new gift of writing was also here to stay!
O Christmas Sun
O Christmas Sun, My Love, My Light You’ve given me strength to endure the night In a fleeting moment you did appear You gave me hope, took away my fear You touched my soul, so deep, so true And brought me joy at the sight of you Your heart is warm, your beauty bright Your gift is Love, My Sun, My Light! ~ Forever and Always, Michael… “I thank God!” ~ Charlene ~
Several months and many poems later, on a beautiful spring day in March, I went to a local park on my lunch break. Enjoying the warmth of the sun as well as the sights and sounds of children playing, I was inspired to write the following poem...
Here To Stay
It's a beautiful Spring day The leaves of April are on their way The sun warms me through and through Love so intense coming from you
Reminds me of that Christmas Day Not so long ago You let me know You were here to stay
You offered your light and said, "Let it be your strength… forthright…your soul set free! Share the warmth with tender care And remember... Love is the temptress, the gentle snare
When challenged, hold fast, shine your light, be true to yourself, you know what's right Your soul was created to carry this cross With courage and vision, commitment to the cause
Facing down your doubts and fears when those who judge come forth to jeer Confronting, challenging the truth as you know it
Just breathe… Remember the love... Remember to show it."
I will call forth the lessons you left behind For others to hear Change their minds Their hearts transformed, no longer conformed
Love is the weapon of choice to use In defense of your voice, my heavenly muse Your beauty, your courage, displayed through me The Gift illuminated for all to see
Higher expectations, raising the bar You’re still getting our attention from afar!
You knew that, didn’t you?…goin’ in Your light would be forever stayin’ In the hearts of those who’d be your messengers The legend to tell…your truth…lessons learned
Children at play On this beautiful day Remind me of all you stood for Their souls so pure Would be the lure Your music inspired, to open the door
Help us to see the need that exists To care for and love them without remiss Value their souls, so they can be Happy and whole, their very best
You've asked us to nurture These little ones So close to God For they are the hope of the future Why would anyone consider this odd?
They will carry your message, your perfect love, for generations to come They’ll see the world become a better place Turn this one ‘round, change its face!
Years from now when I look back To see what kept me on track The sun warming me through and through Love so intense coming from you I’ll remember that Christmas Day So long ago When you let me know You were here to stay
We've seen him on the stage, singing and dancing, spinning and twirling, sharing his gift, his passion. We've felt his love through that beautiful smile, those eyes so deep, so true. But have we seen him in a sunset, felt the warmth of his love in its glow, its hue?
"I've become the sunset of evening, you know" - this line in the lyrics of a beautiful song, The Rainbow is My Love Message, reminded me that I could look upon a sunset and find him there (8/23 blog - Rainbows and Love Messages.) I have always appreciated a beautiful sunset and I have marveled at God's handiwork. But the first sunset I witnessed after receiving this message from Michael was unlike any I had ever seen before. It was spectacular! I felt entirely bathed in his love, and so, the following poem was inspired...
Sunset of the Evening
A golden puddle settles on the sea Where the sun descends, saying goodnight to me Sweet dreams, my love I’ll see you again At morning’s light
Liquid sunshine Cool as the evening Hot as the flame of love’s embrace Paints a masterpiece Its canvas, the sky Brilliant colors to please the eye
Your beauty and passion are ever alive! Still being expressed In the magic of nature An evening’s sunset
It leaves behind a memory of bliss Laughter and tears of a day well lived A reminder of the love You’ve planted in my heart Your gift to me forever more
The birds sing a soft lullaby Their music fills the air Then silence descends Its stillness comforts me Holds me in its arms Reminds me you’re there It keeps me warm and softens my despair
Your beauty and light Fill my dreams at night I cherish this dreaming My sunset of the evening
I don’t want to leave this place At the edge of the sea I feel that you are here In the wind and the waves In the cry of a seagull In the moon that hovers in the sky Watching over me as I cry
Touching me Bringing me back to my heart once again The place where I always want to be I never want to leave that place in my heart Please….keep touching me
Every time you touch me I become a hero Barriers disappear as if by magic All the impossible becomes possible Because of you Now I know what I can do
Words will sing and dance on the page Expressing from my heart This love Your light Awareness of all the beauty around The things we must keep Ever close, ever safe
My heart sings the song And I understand What it is I need to do Because of you
Deep longing
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