Michael Forgive Us

I’m so sorry I was not there
To lift you up, let you know I cared
When things got tough, the world so cruel
It wasn’t enough just to say “those fools!”

Your dignity was trampled
Your light snuffed out
Your faith in humanity
Was plagued with doubt

How could one so gentle and pure
Be tortured more than anyone could endure?

You always gave your love and kindness
Showing us how to be our best
For this they told the horrid lies
For money and greed, to claim the prize

Your soul did not matter
They held your heart on a platter
To be diced and sliced, chopped into bits
They were not nice, but you took the hits
Held yourself with dignity and grace
You stood tall, the demons to face

And even though you were found innocent
The light in your eyes would remain reticent
Never to quite fully recover
Its former brilliance went undercover

Safe and protected from the enemies of your heart
Cushioned from harm you made a new start
Healed a bit, but still not the same
Your light was beginning to burn through the shame
Peaking through the shield of pain
It started to shine from your soul once again

This Is It was the plan
A gift for the fans
We were thrilled beyond measure
Singing and dancing your dream, your adventure
You would give us such pleasure!

To us, your brilliance was never gone
We held you in our hearts all along
Waiting for your wounded soul to heal
Returning to the stage to make us feel
The heat and passion
of your love and affection
We would once again be wooed by your amazing perfection!

Then….out of the blue
your life was taken from this world
On June twenty-fifth, our minds were in a whirl
Can it be true? Is this for real?
In shock and disbelief, we could not feel

Numbed by the news, the world went silent
The stage was now empty, your light stolen from it

Is there something we could’ve done to prevent it?
Loved you more? Healed the planet?
Would that have changed your story in the end?
Would sleep have been your friend?
Did we not do enough while you were here
To show appreciation for your gifts so dear?

For sacrifices made to deliver the message,
was our offering no more than a mere vestige?
A sample so small, you couldn’t see
That you were making a difference
How could this be?

We let you down, fell prey to the shadow
Apathy conveyed through our lives so shallow
Did you have to die for us to know
The importance of your life, your message, your show?

If we had only been
more like a true friend
Listened to your heart from the start
You knew all along that what you had to share
Was critical for the world to hear
You tried… gave us everything you had
Your joy, your anger, the good and the “Bad”

We heard your message, but didn’t respond
We just wanted a piece of you ’cause we were so fond
Your love was pure, your beauty bright
Your sweetness made our hearts take flight

And even though you loved our adoration
It wasn’t enough to prevent your ultimate submission
The pain was too much, the darkness very real
It took you from us, I don’t think we’ll ever heal

I’m not sure what I could’ve done
Written a letter? Called you on the phone?
I am nobody… would you have known?
Could I have made a difference, kept you from goin’?

Put the light back in your eyes for the world to see?
Restored your faith in humanity?
Taken your pain? Kissed and made it all better?
Turned the rain into sunshine with just a letter?

Now that I know, now that you’re gone
I cannot change it, the past is said and done
But I can beg forgiveness for my apathy
Try to make a difference in your name… throughout eternity

The messages you worked so hard to impart
Continue to be real, still rendered from your heart
Now free of limitations
I can do my part
Heal the world, change human relations
What I should’ve done from the very start

Making amends to you in this way
Will not bring you back, but it will make “them” pay
Justice for you will take a new form
For love and kindness will become the norm

All who love you are joining hands
A gesture of unity among your fans
creating a new community
With love at the center of all we do
Your lessons remembered, this is our cue
To make the world a better place…for you!

Let us not forget, always respect
Your example was perfect
No need to change it…dissect it…or reject it

May the Force of Love continue in your name,
Dear Michael…
One who is most like God

04/03/10
Copyright © 2010 by Charlene Burgess

Here to Stay

“O Christmas Sun! What holy task is thine!

To fold a world in the embrace of God!”

~ Guy Wetmore Carryl ~

Christmas Day 2009...Six months since Michael's death. Six months of extreme emotions and still not understanding it all. Why was his death affecting me so powerfully? And why was I persistently compelled to learn more about this man, and driven to dig deeper with every discovery? I didn't know the answers to these questions, but I did know that God was moving mountains inside of me, and there had to be a very good reason. The love that was growing in my heart for a man I never knew was very real and intense. The palpable reality of a world in need of change along with a growing awareness that I was somehow to play a part in its healing became more apparent to me as time went on. But I still didn't understand the "How?" or the "Why?" of it. And, to add to this challenge, there was a nagging, shadowy doubt that would visit me frequently along this path, causing me to question the validity of my experience. In spite of that, a part of me knew that no matter how confused I was about all of this, I just needed to believe, and to know that God would reveal what I needed to know when I needed to know it.

In the weeks leading up to Christmas, I had been feeling called to the ocean. The last time I was near the ocean was about a week after Michael’s death, when I bought his “Number Ones” CD and began listening to his music again after many years without it. I drove through the majestic Redwoods and all along the Northern California coastline while listening to him sing to me those familiar tunes...his passion and energy infusing itself into the deepest part of my soul! I had forgotten how powerful that energy was - it was beginning to work its magic on me once again, touching me and opening my heart after years of living in a self-imposed protective bubble. It was the beginning of a remarkable journey of discovery for me. It was also the beginning of my extreme grief over his loss - to myself and to the world.

A private coastal retreat over the Christmas holiday in 2009 would prove to be a major turning point on this journey. Michael's spirit touched me in a way that is difficult to explain. Three days entirely devoted to communing with nature...meditating and talking with God...listening to Michael's music...and writing daily journal entries after 6 months of intense grieving and soul awakening moments, would set the stage for a remarkable spiritual experience and an unwavering connection to Michael. He found a way to let me know in a very personal and clear manner that not only was this connection very real, but also that he wasn't going anywhere - that he would stay with me through this experience and I could count on it! I felt in my heart as if Michael's commitment was God's gift to give me strength for the journey ahead.

The day I was to return home from my ocean retreat was the day I wrote my very first poem. It was short and sweet, a simple verse, but the words flowed through me like running water. I'd never had that experience before and it was quite profound! I cherished that little verse because I thought it was the only poem I would ever write - my "Christmas Sun" miracle - but God and Michael had other plans for me. This new gift of writing was also here to stay!

O Christmas Sun

O Christmas Sun, My Love, My Light
You’ve given me strength to endure the night
In a fleeting moment you did appear
You gave me hope, took away my fear
You touched my soul, so deep, so true
And brought me joy at the sight of you
Your heart is warm, your beauty bright
Your gift is Love, My Sun, My Light!
~
Forever and Always, Michael…
“I thank God!”
~ Charlene ~

12/28/09
Copyright © 2009 by Charlene Burgess

Several months and many poems later, on a beautiful spring day in March, I went to a local park on my lunch break. Enjoying the warmth of the sun as well as the sights and sounds of children playing, I was inspired to write the following poem...

Here To Stay

It's a beautiful Spring day
The leaves of April are on their way
The sun warms me through and through
Love so intense coming from you

Reminds me of that Christmas Day
Not so long ago
You let me know
You were here to stay

You offered your light
and said, "Let it be
your strength… forthright…your soul set free!
Share the warmth with tender care
And remember...
Love is the temptress, the gentle snare

When challenged, hold fast,
shine your light,
be true to yourself, you know what's right
Your soul was created to carry this cross
With courage and vision, commitment to the cause

Facing down your doubts and fears
when those who judge come forth to jeer
Confronting, challenging the truth as you know it

Just breathe…
Remember the love...
Remember to show it."

I will call forth the lessons you left behind
For others to hear
Change their minds
Their hearts transformed, no longer conformed

Love is the weapon of choice to use
In defense of your voice, my heavenly muse
Your beauty, your courage, displayed through me
The Gift illuminated for all to see

Higher expectations, raising the bar
You’re still getting our attention from afar!

You knew that, didn’t you?…goin’ in
Your light would be forever stayin’
In the hearts of those who’d be your messengers
The legend to tell…your truth…lessons learned

Children at play
On this beautiful day
Remind me of all you stood for
Their souls so pure
Would be the lure
Your music inspired, to open the door

Help us to see the need that exists
To care for and love them without remiss
Value their souls, so they can be
Happy and whole, their very best

You've asked us to nurture
These little ones
So close to God
For they are the hope of the future
Why would anyone consider this odd?

They will carry your message, your perfect love,
for generations to come
They’ll see the world become a better place
Turn this one ‘round, change its face!

Years from now when I look back
To see what kept me on track
The sun warming me through and through
Love so intense coming from you
I’ll remember that Christmas Day
So long ago
When you let me know
You were here to stay

03/19/10
Copyright © 2010 by Charlene Burgess

Exposed

Several months into this journey with Michael, my confidence in what I was experiencing continued to grow. But it was by no means a straight path! Trust in my intuition as well as belief in Michael's presence would take many dips along the way into that dark pool of doubt. And sometimes the notion that Michael Jackson's spirit could actually be touching base with ME just seemed too outrageous to be true! I mean, we're talking the biggest star in the world here! There were times when the reality of this would hit me and I would ask myself why I would ever think that Michael Jackson would even have the slightest notion of who I was. It just seemed insane at times!! It didn't always make sense from a practical standpoint, and that was the gauge I was accustomed to using - my practical sense of earthly things - things I could see with my own eyes. My faith in God was probably about the only exception to this. In every other spiritual sense, I had been playing it safe far too long and had very little trust in things unseen or in matters of the heart and soul.

I had been considering attending a local "Holistic Faire" for some time to get a reading from someone with psychic abilities. I didn't know much about it, but I had been to one of these faires previously with my daughter, sat with her and took notes while she received a reading. I was mostly curious to hear what someone with this special gift would feel or sense coming from me or in the energy field around me. In a way, I think I was wanting to receive some kind of validation of what I was experiencing. A complex mix of thoughts and feelings were having their way with me about taking this risk - putting myself out there to be examined on a spiritual level by a complete stranger. Not knowing how reliable their "gift" would be and knowing that mistakes could be made caused an inner conflict with my need for validation. What would I hear? And what would I DO with that information? Most important, how would it effect my own perception of my personal experience? Would the reading be so vague that I would not find the answers I was seeking; consequently, adding even more weight to the doubt which already plagued me from time to time?

In March, after much inner deliberation, I made the decision to attend the Holistic Faire. The plan was to just wander around the room to get a feel for who was there, how I was feeling about being there, and to make a decision at that time whether I would go for a reading. Well, almost as soon as I entered the building, I felt a sense of dis-ease about it, but I wasn't entirely sure why. There were many people attending this faire, so there was a noticeable "buzz" in the room. It was a positive energy among people who were already well acquainted with one another, lending a sense of community to the environment. Under normal circumstances, this would be a good thing; however, my vulnerability caused me to feel very much like a stranger in a strange land. I proceeded with my original plan, picked up some information at the front table and walked around the room, reading the bio's on all the participants and getting a feel of the space. A variety of psychic gifts were represented, all of which I knew very little about. Each booth was only semi-private, with other people waiting in line for their readings. It all seemed too distracting and impersonal. My experience with Michael and our connection felt very personal to me, and the thought of exposing it to a stranger in this environment was quite unsettling. It didn't take me long to decide that I was not ready for this! I determined that I might consider a private reading later on, but for now, it just didn't feel right. When I left the facility, I went for a drive to process my feelings, stopped at a favorite spot along the river, and wrote the poem "Exposed" which is printed below.

Later on, I told a friend and mentor about the decision I'd made and she affirmed my choice, saying that I had done the right thing by following my intuition about the discomfort I was feeling, and she thought it was important for me to discern from my heart what my own truth was about this experience with Michael. Imagine that...me, getting back in touch with my heart and trusting it! I'm happy to say that I have made much progress in that area since March. Now, for the most part, I "just know" when Michael is present, communicating with me in his own unique ways to let me know this experience IS, indeed, authentic and he will be there when I need him. I no longer feel the need for human validation of this incredible journey, as this adventure has been affirmed by God and Michael in all the ways they make themselves known to me. As I stated in a previous post...they're in this together, you know!

Getting back to my heartspace and trusting it has been such an amazing gift, and I celebrate this Gift every single day! Although the path is still not entirely straight, my confidence in the truth of this experience has grown tremendously. I no longer question it. And Michael has been nothing if not consistent at showing up at just the right time to give me a loving nudge, sharing a little more of his light with me so I can see my way to the next thing - moving ahead inch by agonizing inch toward the goal of making the world a better place! Perseverance is one of his greatest virtues!

Exposed

Feeling exposed
Walking into a crowded room
Filled with those who would know my fate so soon

Can I trust their gift to get it right
May cause a rift, what is their insight
My soul laid open for all to see
What lies inside of me

Escaping the prison that was my life
My wounded soul sliced open with a knife
His death would be
The start of a new journey
My broken heart revealing
My truth, all that I’ve been feeling

This awakening
Charged with joy, fraught with pain
Something inside me come to life again
I’m learning to trust, to understand
The message, my part, his guiding hand

Not always sure of my sanity
Someone said, that’s ego, it fears its own mortality
Be gentle with it, it’s like a child
Selfish needs will try to rule, resist, defile

But if I believe in my calling
Love will rule the day
Keep me from falling prey
To those who doubt, including my fragile ego
This is not about self, God is freeing me to go
To places I’ve only dreamed
Experiencing love in the extreme
My gift to impart to others from my heart

The journey so far has been resplendent
Overflowing with love, light and encouragement
Taking me beyond my wildest expectations
His light so bright, filling all the empty spaces

Wanna hold on, never let go
Can I keep the light burning all on my own
Is my belief strong enough to withstand
Comments from those who don’t “get” the man
Can I still love and know as God knows
What lies within must be exposed
Still wanting to protect this precious gift
If others inspect, will the treasure be lifted
Invasion of privacy allows them to judge
Can I be exposed without bending to the nudge

Vulnerable, but strong, taking a stand
For truth, love and justice, he’ll hold my hand
He won’t let go, for this is the call
The mission to send his message to all
If validation is what I seek
Remember his courage and don’t be weak
All that he endured for the cause
Will give me strength and conviction without pause

Being exposed is part of the test
Persecution from all the rest
Will be my cross to bear
For this great love I am blessed to share

03/13/10
Copyright © 2010 by Charlene Burgess

A Sliver of Shimmering Light

His spirit abounds
Among the stars, the moon, and the clouds
I look up to the sky
Whenever I step outside
Just to see if I can find
A hint of him hiding behind that tree
Magical, mystical, wonder of light
I see him nearly every night

One night in April I found to my delight
The crescent moon curved up in a smile
Made me swoon
A tiny sliver of shimmering light
Hanging out with some twinkling stars
Casting their glitter about
Like fairy dust on Mars

Framed by dark silhouettes
Of trees and mountains in the distance
He gave me a ringside seat
For a momentary show of his beautiful glow
Peeking out from under his home
A stunning reflection of his love
… Pure perfection

I said, “Well, hello sweetie!”
And he smiled right back at me!
He captured my heart
Ignited that spark
It was our private moment in the dark

Then a cloud came by
Covering him like a blanket to say goodnight
A nod, a wink, and a wave of his hand
Gave me a clue this was not the end
Descending behind the mountains
His light glowed on the western horizon

I thought, what a gift to behold!
To see him in that moment
As if he was there just for me
Long enough to say hello
This child would be
Playing peek-a-boo behind the moon’s glow
Letting me know he's still beside me
Cheering me on
Singing for me his heavenly songs
Encouraging me to stay on track
Not to be discouraged, he’s got my back

This journey is long
The way is not always clear
The answers will come when the time is right
God will help me kick it in gear
Take the next step to own this light
Face the shadow and change the world…without fear!

Oh, what a night!
Believing in magic and moonbeams
Adds a whole new dimension to my life!

05/16/10
Copyright © 2010 by Charlene Burgess