“The words to the next song you hear. The information in the next article you read. The story line of the next movie you watch. The chance utterance of the next person you meet. Or the whisper of the next river, the next ocean, the next breeze that caresses your ear - all of these devices are Mine; all these avenues are open to ME. I will speak to you if you will listen. I will come to you if you will invite me. I will show you then that I have always been there… All ways!”
~ Neale Donald Walsch, from Conversations with God, Book 1
(thank you, Jan, for this reminder!)
I have to admit, I’ve been at a loss for ideas on what to write about this week’s topic. I have spent the last 20+ years of my life seeking balance - attempting to tame my tendency toward extremes in all areas of my life. You see, when a person grows up in an unpredictable environment, you get used to operating in one extreme or the other. Things at home are either crisis oriented or so extremely quiet that you spend your days looking over your shoulder, waiting for the next bomb to drop. After years of living in this environment, you become conditioned. And once conditioned, crisis mode or high drama is the standard reaction to anything that feels threatening. It is even said that “we” will often create a crisis where there is none because that is what we are comfortable with. Believe me, I’ve learned all the psychological explanations for why I ended up in the many predicaments I found myself in throughout my adult life. I also learned that in order to find inner peace and serenity, I needed to stop reacting so much in the extreme and find a more balanced way of being within myself and in relationship with others. I think it’s called “chilling out!” I was doing pretty well in that regard too. Or so I thought…
Then came Michael. This is where things get a little tricky and I have yet to find a plausible explanation for this roller coaster ride of emotions I have been on since June 25, 2009. It has felt out of control at times - frightening and overwhelming - exciting and exhilarating at other times. It has taken me to the highest of highs - the peak of human emotion when overcome by the power of his Love; then swooping into the valley of despair when doubt and fear take over the reigns of this extreme ride. Many a day on this journey I have been emotionally spent, getting by on no more than a few hours of sleep each night as I have used up hours upon hours researching, writing, crying from the depths of my soul, dancing in joyful abandon, praying, seeking answers, exploring the mysteries, feeling his passion, blinded by his brilliant light and drenched in the heat of his perfect Love, absorbing it all and releasing it in a torrent of tears, grateful and frightened at the same time for this tremendous gift! I have not felt such extreme emotions, nor have I been closer to ME than what I have experienced over the last 2 years. Michael has brought me face to face with my Source - he has exposed the flickering flame at my core that’s been waiting for a chance to breathe and live! And I feel more alive than I’ve ever felt before.
Michael loved fiercely, and at the same time he had a calmness and a peace about him that was palpable. Inner peace is a good thing, but I think we need to be careful that in our attempt to keep things low key, we do not lose our passion. When the emotions of the heart are not allowed to be felt or expressed, you risk becoming stagnant. Then lacking in any life whatsoever, you are simply existing - going through the motions to get through each day. I don’t think we are meant to live like that. I’m not suggesting we should be wild and crazy and out of control, nor am I suggesting there’s anything wrong with a peaceful environment.
But to LOVE with a passion that stirs others to life, just as
Michael has done with us, is what we were created to be at our very best! I don’t think a monotone Love is part of the Divine plan, do you? The Creator of the Universe would not even think of such a thing! In order to DO all that we are called to do in this life, to really make a difference, we must Love with a fire that expresses the intensity and undying commitment of Divine Love. There’s something about being emotionally spent that reveals the true nature of a Love without bounds. And the only way to get to being emotionally spent is to Love with great passion and abandon.
I wonder if the Guinness Book of World Records has an award for the longest time anyone has ever ridden an emotional roller coaster? If so, I think many of us would win that title hands down!
What would Michael do? He would just DO. Putting his heart on the line, he was never one to sit idly by and watch the world self-destruct without trying to DO something about it, nor would he watch the children of the world suffer without giving his ALL to make a difference in their lives. No matter how much life may have pulled him down at times - and we all know about the worst of those times - “he always came back with more love” (Kenny Ortega, This Is It). He may have needed time to heal and time to reflect, but he didn’t let any of it stop him from doing what he knew he was sent here to DO!
Lately, I’ve been feeling as if Michael is leading me, gently and clearly toward the next level of this journey. There have been many times over the last 2 years when, in my grief, I have felt as if I didn’t want to remain on this earth without Michael here. Or at the very least, I didn’t want to continue with my life as it was - the same old job, the same routines of daily living that no longer held any meaning for me. Everything seemed so pointless, so mundane, so worthless compared to this new adventure I had been catapulted into. He was taking me places I had never been before. He was offering me escapism to the max and I was ready to go with it 100%! If I hadn't had financial responsibilities and other commitments in my life, I would have left this place without hesitation and found a shack on the beach to spend the rest of my days in bliss with Michael, my computer (or pen & paper), the sounds and smells of the ocean, Mother Nature in all her glory, and my heart forever devoted to just loving him and writing about it! But I knew deep inside that this experience was leading me toward something even bigger than that (it’s hard to imagine anything bigger than loving Michael Jackson!!)
In many of the poems he has given me, the words often speak of fulfilling his mission. This calling is about so much more than spending my days in the eternal bliss of his magical love! On a much deeper level I knew that I had been chosen for this mission for some reason beyond my comprehension - chosen to receive his light, his love, his message, his inspiration to be all that I was meant to be in this lifetime - chosen to emulate his passion and his courage to step out in faith to DO the right thing… no matter what - chosen to DO something to make an impact in this world during my time here. To stop existing and start living - using my God-given gifts to their full potential - the way Michael did. He always DID… without fail.
His music has inspired me. Through it, his heart speaks to my heart. And that voice… oh my, that voice, with all its emotion and expressions and personalities - that voice has sung his beautiful and passionate melodies that have touched me in the abyss of my soul. With that voice, he has vibrated and energized every cell of my being. His light has penetrated every dark corner that ever existed inside of me - making me SEE what was there and erasing all fear of what I thought was lurking there. No big deal!! What have I been so afraid of all my life? And why did it take me so darn long to understand that there was nothing to fear and that I could DO so much more with my life than I ever dreamed possible?
Recently, I have felt something stirring inside of me that has been missing the last couple of years - a sense of hope and purpose related to my work. An unexpected awareness that my job may very well be the vehicle through which I can fulfill this mission from Michael is making itself known. It is becoming increasingly clear that everything I need to accomplish the work he wants me to DO is already in place - it was just waiting for this time to reveal itself and for me to be ready to recognize it and embrace it. The tools, the resources, the support, the people, the system… they’re all there - just waiting to be energized for this mission of ours to make the world a better place! I didn’t want to see that at first. I wanted to wrap myself and Michael in a cocoon, all comfortable and warm and cozy, and never come out until it was my time to leave this world. But, deep down I knew better. And Michael has not given up on me. He has had infinite patience with my roller coaster emotions (maybe he’s even enjoyed the ride a bit!) But he’s getting down to business now. Oh, he’s still sharing his Love in the only way he knows how - in a BIG way! Michael’s Love will never be diminished with time. It will continue to grow inside each of us as we live out his dream for us. Each step of this journey holds new adventures, and he will continue to take us places we’ve never been before, sharing his bliss, his joy, his magical love with us every step of the way. And as we DO as Michael would DO, never giving up our vision and hope for a brighter tomorrow and a better world for the children, we will be forever embraced in his Love and gratitude for all we are doing to carry on his mission and fulfill his dream!
My friend, Siren, recently posted the following quote on her blog, Siren’s Muse (see link to the right on this page). This is an answer she received from Michael after she asked him for guidance on a decision she was contemplating regarding her own life:
“Please don’t give up. I know it’s not easy. With knowledge comes responsibility. If you want to make a difference, you can’t run away and hide. This is not about dedicating yourselves to Me. It’s about dedicating yourselves to one another. The only way to make that change in the world is to be in it. I’m counting on you… on each of you. I know you won’t let Me down. It’s why I chose you… all of you. I Love you… more.”
When I read these words from Michael, I felt as if I had heard them or read them somewhere before - like Michael had given me this same message at some point on my journey with him. I don’t remember where or when, but I feel certain he must have whispered these words to me in a dream or maybe he painted them in the sky? Now, that’s a whole other story!!
Sit back, relax your mind, and listen carefully to Michael’s words in this video as he speaks about his vison for Heal the World and what we should all be doing to help others in need. It’s wonderful to hear his voice talking about his dream of helping people (especially children) all around the world. What he is saying is that he will never stop doing what he was called to DO. I believe that’s true, even now. And in saying that, he is asking us to DO the same!
“Whatever is happening in your life right now, dedicate it consciously to the furtherance of love's purposes on earth.” ~ Marianne Williamson
The Plea
Parents take heart
Don’t lose hope
You can make a new start
Love and kindness are a part of God's dream
for a brighter tomorrow
You have the power to make things right
The children need your help
Simply be your very best selves
The truth of what you were meant to be
Remember your childhood, innocent and bright
Return to your heart, stay in the light
And keep singing your beautiful love song
We must admit where we’ve been wrong
We’ve lost sight of what’s right
We’ve all been fooled
We don’t know what we want, we only think we do
That’s why we need children to show us the way
To help us remember
Guide us back to our hearts
To that place and time before our childhoods went astray
This is the time to bury our pride
Pay attention to God’s littlest angels
They have much to teach us
In their innocence, they are wise
Their little souls are closest to God
Their light is still shining brightly
If we crush it now, their spirits will die
We can’t allow this to be!
Please don’t belittle, ridicule or strike
Good discipline is not about fear
They deserve our respect
So they won’t run and hide or choose violence
When the schoolyard bully comes ‘round to jeer
This world needs their love
Their future is in our hands
Remember this…
Pay attention to their souls
God’s wisdom is in them
If we only just listen
The Promise
Children take heart
Don’t lose hope
We can make a new start
Love and kindness are a part of God's dream
for a brighter tomorrow
We have the power to make things right
But we need your help
Simply be your beautiful selves
The truth of what you were meant to be
Innocent and bright, happy and whole
Stay in the light
And keep singing your playful melody
Please, please don’t hide your light because of us
We admit where we’ve been wrong
We’ve lost sight of what’s right
We’ve all been fooled
We don’t know what we want, we only think we do
That’s why we need you to show us the way
Help us remember
Guide us back to our hearts
To that place and time before our childhoods went astray
You are God’s littlest angels
You have much to teach us
In your innocence, you are wise
Your little souls are closest to God
Your light is still shining brightly
If we crush it now, your spirits will die
We won’t allow this to be!
We promise not to belittle, ridicule or strike
Our discipline will not instill fear
You deserve our respect
So you won’t run and hide or choose violence
When the schoolyard bully comes ‘round to jeer
This world needs your love
Your future is in our hands
We will remember this…
To pay attention to your souls
God’s wisdom is in them
If we only just listen
Beloved, I am Yours… now and forever
This is my promise to You
Take me, mold me, set my soul on fire
Yours is the way of my heart's desire
I will do my best to follow Your example
To love and live in the way You would teach me
To love from my soul
To live for You only
And to be all that I can be
On the path that You show me
Yes! Please use me
Take me to that place in Your soul
Where I will know what You know
Show me Your God and His Love eternal
Teach me Your ways until I’ve learned them all
This will be my vow to fulfill
For the rest of my life
I’ll bow to Your will
Take me, mold me, show me the way
Your wish is my command
I will do my best to make a difference in this world
As long as I am here on this earth, in this land
Hold my hand, won’t You please
So I will always know You are there
And I will join You when this journey is through, my love
When I’ve done all I can do
To show that I care
My heart and soul are in Your hands
For better or worse, my vow will rise
And the sands of time will see the Truth
Unveiled before our eyes!
With my computer being fairly inaccessible the last week or two, I've been taking a trip down Memory Lane, watching more of my Michael videos than I have in a long, long time! It's been very refreshing, to tell you the truth, to get back to the very thing that I spent so much time doing in the beginning of this journey. It's been like getting acquainted with him all over again, only this time, from an entirely different perspective.
The first time was an adventure of discovering all the wonderful things about this man that I already knew on some deep level, but I had not taken the time to explore prior to his passing on June 25, 2009. This time has been like a refresher course, but with the added benefit of having already done the exploring into deeper territory, it just confirmed everything I had learned before... and more! If I could possibly fall any deeper in love with this amazing man, it has definitely happened in the last couple of weeks! I continue to be amazed at the things Michael did throughout his life and career to give his fans the very best of himself. And, although it came at a great cost to him at times, I am ever so grateful for this incredible gift!
I've also been leafing through my notebooks which are full of my handwritten notes - things I wanted to remember and keep track of, especially during the first several months of this journey when thoughts and ideas were flowing constantly, and before I purchased my little laptop. I came across the text of a 3-page letter Michael had written in 1988 to William Pecchi Jr, one of his camera operators for the movie Moonwalker and during the Bad World tour. Many of you have probably already seen and read this letter, but I'm going to reprint it in its entirety here because, to me, it captures the heart and soul of Michael Joseph Jackson, the man and the genius that we have all fallen in love with. Michael always said he wanted to live forever through his art and this letter certainly reflects that desire. His passion for creating perfection as a gift for the world to enjoy and learn from far beyond his years on this earth can be felt in every word written in this poingnant letter.
As I watched the video of the Bad tour in Japan last week, I was reminded of a moment during "Shake Your Body" when Michael called out to Pecky, saying "Pecky, where are you?" After coming across this letter, it made me wonder what Michael was thinking when he said that. My own feelings about it are that he was experiencing some incredible magic with the audience in that moment which he wanted Pecky to capture, and this was his way of letting Pecky know what he expected. I shake my head in total wonderment of how "plugged in" he was to his audience!...
"Pecky - I very seldom write letters, but this is a moving occasion. I couldn't help myself. I want to thank you for putting the effort forward to capture the magic and excitement of the people of the world. What you do is a very personal and powerful medium to me. It is the art of stopping time, to preserve a moment that the naked eye cannot hold, to capture truth, spontaneous truth, the depths of excitement in human spirit. All else will be forgotten, but not the film, generations from now will experience the excitement you've captured, it truly is a time capsule. I will not be totally satisfied until I know you're at the right angle at the right time to capture a crescendo of emotion that happens so quickly, so spontaneously.
"What you have done is good, but I want the best, the whole picture, cause and effect. I want crowd reaction, wide lens shots - depth of emotion, timing. I know we can do it. It is my dream and goal to capture truth. We should dedicate ourselves to this. The person who makes a success of living, is the one who sees his goal steadily and aims for it unswervingly. That is dedication. There is no other way to perfection than dedication, perseverance. Just tell us what you need to make it happen. Take the leadership to direct the other camermen. I've enjoyed working with you. That is why I asked you to come, you have a gentle spirit that's very likeable. Maybe I look at the world through rose colored glasses, but I love people all over the world. That is why stories of racism really disturb me. You hurt my heart and soul when you told me of your boyhood in Texas. Because in truth I believe all men are created equal. I was taught that and will always believe it.
"I just can't conceive of how a person could hate another because of skin color. I love every race on the planet earth. Prejudice is the child of ignorance. Naked we come into the world and naked we shall go out. And a very good thing too, for it reminds me that I am naked under my shirt, whatever its color. I'm sorry to bring up such past news, but in the car I was hurt by what you said. I'm so happy though that you have managed to overcome your childhood past. Thank God that you've graduated from such beliefs of ignorance. I'm glad I've never experienced such things. Teach your kids to love all people equally. I know you will. I speak from my heart, saying I Love you and all people, especially the children. I'm glad God chose me and you. ~ Love, M.J."
I'm glad God chose you too, Michael Jackson!! I LOVE you forever...
Today, I share with you an excerpt from Michael's famous speech at Oxford University in London in March of 2001 - one that most of you have already heard, no doubt, but one that bears reminding of what he had to say about forgiveness. (Be sure to listen to both parts 3 and 4.) This is his public declaration of forgiving his father who had abused him as a child. This statement, to me, was one of the most poignant moments of this entire speech, because Michael and I shared much the same experience of harsh treatment from our fathers. Years ago, when I first heard him talk about the abuse he experienced, I remember thinking… oh my goodness, he’s talking about my life! Both of us being of the same generation, we are not alone in our experience. Many from our parents’ generation would say it was just the way things were done in those days. And to that I say, those who believe that the "old school" style of parenting is not abuse should walk a mile or two in the moccasins of those who have been the innocent victims of this type of "discipline." The tender souls of the little ones who have cowered in corners to protect themselves from the hand or the switch or the belt or the iron's electrical cord will be the first to tell you of how this type of discipline made them feel.
Believe it or not, they will also be the first to tell you that they don't want to hurt their parent by telling the truth about them! There's a unique kind of sensitivity and awareness that we have, even as small children, that there must be something hurting this person inside in order for them to treat us in such a harsh manner. I spoke about this in my devotion on compassion. But knowing this doesn't make forgiveness any easier. If there's one thing I've learned on my own journey of healing it’s that forgiveness isn't something you achieve all at once and then you're done with it! It comes in pieces... at different levels... and at different stages of the healing process. The very first time I forgave my father, I felt a huge sense of relief and release from the pain that had followed me everywhere. No matter how far away I moved from him, the pain of that experience came with me, and it effected every decision I ever made in the name of Love. By the time I turned 40, I had reached the end of my second marriage, vowing one more time to “never do this again!” I have stayed single ever since… just to be sure it won’t happen again! But I digress… now back to forgiveness.
I’ve heard it said that the healing process is very much like peeling an onion. Layer by layer, you reach new levels of awareness and insight about who you are, why you’ve made some of the decisions you’ve made, how those decisions have shaped your life experience, and the most important awareness of all… that you have choices which you may not have known even existed until you’ve peeled away a good many layers of that onion. Once you realize that your happiness does not need to depend on the approval, acceptance or even the Love of others, but it is simply a product of the choices you make, it is then that you are able to take responsibility for your own life. And when you are able to forgive yourself for the mistakes you’ve made, you are then free to forgive others.
But remember, forgiving does not mean forgetting. We remember… so that we will not perpetuate the cycle of abuse. We remember… so that we will know and use our own power to make our lives better. We remember… so that we will always be grateful to know how far we have come. And finally, we remember… so that we can use our experience to help others. In forgiving, we release ourselves from the bondage of resentment and we release the one we have forgiven from our judgment. In so doing, we give them permission to stay angry if they wish, but without our continuing to be influenced by their anger. With our resentment and judgment out of the way, they are left to face their own image in the mirror that is right in front of them.
It is also important to remember that forgiveness, like compassion, does not excuse inappropriate behavior. It merely frees the victim from holding judgment and from giving others the power to change who they are. When Jesus said from the cross, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do” he was saying that this crime against him, even though it would ultimately take his own life, was not going to change who he was. He was releasing them from his or God’s judgment, but that does not mean they were released from their own culpability.
As I mentioned before, I don’t think forgiveness is something you do only once and then you're done with it! There are times when I have had to revisit the challenge of forgiving myself and others. As more layers of the onion are peeled away, new unresolved issues have surfaced giving me more opportunities to work on forgiveness. So, for me, forgiveness is always a work in progress. And I would say that Michael probably felt the same way, even at the time he made this speech. He said that we must heal ourselves before we can heal the children. He also said, “I want to forgive.” And I believe this is where it all begins.
His light…
It’s still here
It’s a part of every heart
Which seeks the truth
It lives in the Love
Gathers its strength from above
Its power is in you and in me
He left it here
In the music from his heart
So that we would hear it
Speaking to our souls
Teaching, guiding, leading the way
To a better world
And a brighter day
For the children
He is immortal
He lives through us
We must carry the torch
Lift it high for all to see
His light endures
And will be the force
That redeems this world
Heals the wounds
Inflicted by a misguided humanity
Through him we have a new clarity of vision
The truth has been revealed
As never before
We see things as they really are
And we understand
His legacy is in our hands
It’s up to us
We must LIVE his message
Of Love and Peace
Sharing the feast of his Gift
Reminding others that now because of him
In a world filled with sorrow
There is promise for a better tomorrow
Compassion. The first time this word ever came into my consciousness was when I was married to an alcoholic. I was attending a 12 step program in order to learn more about the disease of alcoholism and what I could do to help improve my marriage which was being torn apart by this disease. I ended up learning more about myself than I had anticipated going in - why I made the choices I’d made throughout my life and how those choices contributed to the circumstances I found myself in at that point on my journey. Never did I think that I would learn to have compassion for the very people who had caused me the most pain in my life!
An abusive father, peers who rejected this shy little girl, boyfriends who couldn’t make a commitment, and husbands (two of them) who were either emotionally abusive or unavailable - all make up a short list of those who brought me nothing but heartache and made me feel worthless as a human being. What I didn’t realize is that I had choices. Choices I didn’t even know existed! And part of that was learning to understand that people who abused, rejected, couldn’t commit, or were emotionally unavailable all had pain of their own they were dealing with. Who knew? And my choice was to recognize their pain and feel compassion for them, or to continue allowing myself to be hurt by them. The compassion didn’t come easily at first. Believe me, I wanted them and everyone else to know how much they had hurt me, and in order to do that, I had to continue hurting. When we are deeply wounded, the last thing we want to do is feel sorry for those who wounded us. It seems wrong somehow, like we’re letting them off the hook. But once I allowed myself to be open to another way of thinking and being, I was surprised at how healing it was for me.
When thinking about my father, I realized that I really didn’t have a clue about what his life had been like for him. There had to be something that caused him to take out his irrational and extreme anger on an innocent and helpless child! Anyone who had been raised to feel loved and cherished would not do that! (The very thought of this still makes me weep for him!) This eye-opening realization allowed me, for the first time in my life, to feel true compassion for the man whom I believed was the cause of all my troubles. It’s true that his treatment of me was wrong - compassion does not excuse inappropriate behavior. It only understands that there is more to any person than what we see on the surface. And it allows the one who feels it toward another to be released from the bonds of victimhood. I no longer see the perpetrator as an all-powerful being who holds the key to my happiness, but as simply another human being on this journey called life… right alongside me! In this reality, we are equal. I don’t have to love them or even like them, but I can feel compassion toward them for whatever their pain is without feeling responsible for causing it or fixing it. And this frees me to be all that God intended for me without being weighed down by self-pity.
So, remember the next time you find yourself making a judgment of another human being based only on what you see on the surface, you don’t really know the whole story. You don’t know the pain or the guilt or the suffering that this person may have been through - or the negative influences that have affected who they have become.
I often think about this in relation to Michael Jackson and all the people who took advantage of him or used him or treated him with disrespect because of his fame and money as well as his kindness and generosity. Although I realize there is a lot about Michael and his circumstances I do not know, there is one thing which I DO know for certain - and that one thing is that Michael Jackson showed compassion toward those who were suffering and he treated people with respect and dignity. Those were his highest priorities. And that is the bottom line for me. He was an impeccable example of compassion and love for all of humanity. I can only hope that I will be able to live up to his example during the remaining years of my life here on earth.
May we find it in our hearts to have compassion for those who have hurt us or others we care about, understanding that their actions are a reflection of their pain. When we open our hearts and minds to the idea that others’ hurtful behavior is really a cry for Love, we see it from an entirely different perspective. Compassion becomes possible when we can set our own egos aside and realize that every man and every woman was once an innocent child, and only longs to be loved and understood. We are all God’s children on this spiritual journey together, connected to one another in spirit and in love. Our Source is one and the same. In this way, we are no different, really. We’ve all been given a map to follow. Some have lost their way. Some have never strayed. And others have found their way back to the path that God intended. Whenever we feel contempt toward another of your children, dear God, may we be reminded that we can choose compassion. Amen.
For anyone interested in reading a poem I wrote about my father last fall entitled "Daddy Dear", you can find it in the November posts on this blog. I think of it as my compassion poem for him... and for me.
Sometimes I feel so alone
Like a stranger in a strange land
This thing that’s come over me
Nobody understands
Why me?
Why am I the only one
for miles and miles
to see the true brilliance of the Sun?
Others around me are walking in the rain
without a clue,
dark clouds blocking their view
The weight of their pain
blinds them to the Truth…
The brightness of His light
that was here
and still remains
Why me?
Why am I no longer chained to the pain of my past? Why have I been set free, chosen for this task? To live in the light of His Love and reveal the Truth that’s been shown to me
Why me?
Thank God There are others around the world who see this brilliance of the Sun I know I'm not entirely alone But at home I'm the only one Everyone else is wearing a mask They think it's me who is different, lost my way But the light of the Sun follows me and they're left standing in the rain Which leads me to ask…
Why NOT me?
Yes, I am different but does that make me wrong? I have been called to sing His song I'm a stranger in a strange land asked to run this race My mask has been removed and nobody wants to see my face! The light of Truth which follows me reflects their pain they cannot see Acknowledging the pain means change
Take off your mask so I can see your face! I AM a stranger in a strange land Let me help you understand
This video reminds me of the lengths Michael has gone to and continues to go through to make us feel His Love. Too bad certain others don't get it! We are truly blessed!!
