What an amazing adventure this has been so far! Riding this wave of discovery, pain and love has been one magical experience after another. Yes, even in the pain, as difficult as this may be to comprehend. I think it's something only those who are on the same journey can fully understand. Others may hear our words as we attempt to describe the impact Michael Jackson has had on our hearts and on our souls. They may nod their heads and even say they understand, but in all reality, they can't possibly. It's just not understandable - it defies logic. How does one feel such a strong soul connection to someone they have never met? And how can one say they are grieving the loss of this individual more than they've ever grieved for anyone, including their own family members? That just seems wrong to anyone who has not been on the receiving end of Michael's immense light and love. I can understand their questioning and their doubt. I've had plenty of that myself along this path.
So, it occurred to me several months ago that my family members might be a bit bewildered by some of the poems and stories I had written about this experience, should they come across them by accident. What if something happened to me tomorrow and all that is left for them to piece together the mystery of this phenomenon I've been speaking of for the last year and a half are my poems and other writings which are kept in files on my computer? Some of the poems are quite personal and could appear to be proof that maybe I had lost my mind just a little bit! These more personal poems are some of my most treasured, and I would not want to leave them in the hands of someone who didn't understand the depth of this experience. If I had the opportunity to explain all of this to them through my writing, knowing they would be reading it after I was gone, what would I say? And recognizing that when someone dies, their loved ones suddenly see them more in the light of truth and goodness, I knew that anything I left behind for them to read would hold so much more meaning after I had gone than it would right now.
I decided to create a file that would hold all of my most treasured writings with a personal message about what this experience has meant to me and what I hope they will hold in their hearts after I'm gone. I would like to share a portion of that message with you here.
Funny...when I started writing, the first thing that came to me was a poem...
Michael’s Magic
To those who may read what’s in this file After I’ve gone to heaven’s domain I want to explain So you won’t think I was totally insane!
Rest assured, there’s more to this than meets the eye Michael has touched hearts with his love worldwide I have no illusions of physical love, my head is on straight, Just ask God above! Because He’s behind this, you can be sure In His grand plan, Michael was the lure His life was designed to get our attention Send the messages and make us question:
How do we live? Are we contributing to a better tomorrow? Or are we feeding humanity’s darkness, adding to the world’s sorrow?
How do we love? Are we kind and thoughtful, always forgiving? Or do we judge harshly how others are living?
When in our presence, do others feel our peace? Or do we cause tension, discomfort, or great dis-ease?
Think about it and read my words His love is a gift, it’s changed my world He made me realize That a love such as this can be the prize For a life of bliss, no surprise!
Our soul connection is just as true As anything between me and you God gave him to us for just awhile To teach us about a love worthwhile
Anyone can claim it It’s free to those who seek it His example was perfect No need to change it or rearrange it
To those who judge You’re missing the boat The greatest story ever wrote In plain sight for all to see His message of love will set you free
Michael never hesitated to express his love - for his fans, his friends and colleagues, his family, and most of all for God, as he expressed over and over his humble gratitude for his divine gift. He was a dynamic force for love in the world and all who knew him will tell of his other-worldly presence, the way he made them feel, always bringing out the best in those who could see and feel his light. They say that you won’t see the light in Michael if you don’t see it in yourself. To that I say, take a look in the mirror and ask yourself, ‘If I don’t see the light in Michael, what am I missing in me? Why have I buried my light? And why am I afraid to bring it out into the open? What is it about love and goodness that frightens me so? I want to know!’
If you really want to know, God will take your hand and show you his plan - you can be certain of a journey you will never forget. The path to your light may be difficult at times, even painful, but the love and enlightenment you experience along the way will be the most perfect, pure, and soul-freeing feeling you have ever known!
When I speak of my love for Michael and my soul connection with him, it is with an understanding of him being so special a gift to many, many others around the world. I’m not alone in this! But it feels personal to each and every one of us; and in a way, it is! It appears we have been “chosen” to share his messages in the world, for our own individual reasons. Our unique life experiences have drawn us each to his light, and we have been transformed. Michael’s love is a pure, perfect, selfless kind of love that most of us find very difficult to express in our “humanness”, for we are not perfect, nor are we entirely selfless. He has transformed millions of hearts around the world during his lifetime and since his death. He gives us hope for a better tomorrow, and makes us feel that it IS possible to make the world a better place.
We can only hope to live our lives in a way that brings out the good in others. To express and give the kind of love that has no conditions upon it, as a child does. The pain and suffering we experience in life often hardens us to that kind of love. Michael was unique in that he was gifted with an inner knowing, an understanding about that kind of pure goodness - the importance of love - and he expressed it so freely, showing us by his example that no matter how much life knocks you around or how much hatred and cruelty you encounter, it’s LOVE that lives on and conquers the darkness of man! He died trying to bring that message to us one last time, even after certain factions of humanity beat him to a pulp and judged him for things that were based solely on lies, creating a global misunderstanding of his true nature. Because man is so tainted by his own darkness: greed, ego, lust for power, call it what you will - but the reality of what happened to Michael reflects the darkest and most sinister aspects of humankind.
Michael was gifted with an extremely bright light - so bright, in fact, that we didn’t quite know what to make of it. He spent the majority of his life being very misunderstood, judged for being ‘different’, and portrayed by the media as a freak. He had a strong faith and a clear understanding of his purpose in life, his divine gift and how he was to use it. He stayed strong through all the ridicule. And although Michael attracted much darkness to him because of his bright light, his love lives on and is ultimately the most powerful force in the world! This is the message God is sending to us through Michael!
Michael’s entire body of work, everything about the way he lived his life, including his struggles and how he handled them, his appearance, his health issues, his childlike nature, his gentleness, his kindness, his passion as expressed through his music and performances, even his anger over the injustices in this world, were all designed to get our attention - to make us sit up and take notice! His death was the starting point of an “awakening” around the world. This phenomenon is growing, it’s gaining strength and numbers as more and more people realize they are not alone in this experience and as others come to a new understanding of the truth about Michael Jackson. As difficult as it is for many of us to accept, I believe he had to die for people to start searching, wanting to know more about this man who was such a huge presence in this world. Efforts to understand why many judged him so harshly have led to a new knowledge of the real man behind the mask. Technology has given us an opportunity to view and read about his entire lifetime of music, interviews, speeches, performances, humanitarian efforts and even unguarded moments captured on film. Altogether, we see an entirely different man than what was portrayed by the media all these years! Shock and disbelief at how we could have been so fooled has been a common reaction among many. Or maybe we just weren’t paying close attention. Even those of us who were not "so fooled" are still discovering many new truths about this genius who lived and loved among us for 50 years.
We have come to the realization that this is a time for us to take a look at ourselves as a human race, to become aware of the things about ourselves we would like to change, and to BE that force for change in the world! This is everything Michael was trying to tell us when he was here! It’s all in his music - and in his example, his entire life - available for us to see and hear, to finally understand why he was here! If we don’t see it, we are losing out - we will miss the miracle that is right in front of us! I believe that Michael was a spiritual messenger, sent by God to teach us, to show us how to live and love. To show us the darkest side of humanity, so that we would be inspired to make a change in ourselves and to do everything we can to make the world better.
The Boomer generation knows more than any what this is about. When we were younger, we believed we could make a difference in the world - change it for the better. We marched, stood, sat, chanted, rallied and sang for peace, love, equality, justice, and freedom of expression in an effort to make the rest of the world see that there was a better way. Previous generations had gotten too comfortable with their way of thinking, and it didn’t work anymore - things needed to change! And it was our time to bring that change about in the world. We did have an effect - change did happen and we made progress toward those ideals. But somewhere along the way, the Boomers' passion faded. Many of us “gave up” the cause when we grew up a bit more, got married, settled down, raised a family, got busy just making it through a day in our lives with all the demands of simply existing.
Michael represented the hope we had when we were younger - the hope for a better tomorrow. His messages echoed everything we stood for. And as he continued to rally for change and enlightenment, we stood by and watched with interest this force, this powerful energy in one single human being who never gave up - who stayed the course on our behalf, and he did it alone! God’s timing of Michael's life here on Earth was immaculate! Michael’s death, and the subsequent awakening of the world to his purpose was preordained in my opinion. The Boomers are now coming of age - full circle so to speak. Empty nesters coming into retirement are now ready to receive the message, and to do something once again to effect change in the world! Michael knew this. These lyrics from his song, JAM, reflect that awareness:
The world keeps changing Rearranging minds and thoughts Predictions fly of doom The Baby Boom has come of age to work it out
Although the Baby Boomers are not the only generation experiencing this awakening and receiving Michael’s messages, the timing of his life and his death, I believe, was part of a plan to bring the boomers back to a state of enlightened consciousness to lead the way, creating another global movement for change!
One of the most amazing things about this experience has been to see how he has touched people of all generations. Every age from toddlers to seniors are feeling his energy, not only in his music, but they are also experiencing his love and his goodness in ways that we could not have imagined just over one year ago. We have so much to learn from him, and my hope is that minds will continue to open up to the possibility that Michael Jackson may just have something valuable to impart to us all. Those who resist because they don’t understand, or they don’t “get” this thing about Michael, will spend their life missing out on one of the greatest gifts in our lifetime.
I feel so utterly blessed to be one who knows - to be "chosen" to receive this remarkable understanding! I hope and pray my loved ones and friends will join me on this journey, or at the very least open their minds to the possibility that what I am sharing is absolutely everything I say it is! Even if you don’t get it until after I am gone, please know that I LOVE YOU with all my heart and soul and I wish for the same kind of awareness to come to you in your lifetime - no matter what form it takes, no matter who the messenger. For you to know that this immense light, this perfect kind of love can be real for anyone who seeks it. And for you to understand why I behaved the way I did, why this was so important to me, and why it changed my life forever!
Now...to get to the question I know has been nagging at you since the beginning of all of this: "How in the world could she feel so deeply about someone she's never even met?" I'll do my best to explain. Along this journey, I have felt a sense of knowing Michael, of our souls being connected somehow, somewhere, without really comprehending how or where or why. This feeling was very challenging for me to come to terms with in the beginning - it took months for me to finally accept that it could be. I don’t profess to know with 100% certainty whether I have ever "known" Michael before, and I don’t imagine I will know with 100% certainty in this lifetime. What I do recognize is that God has worked very hard at cracking my heart and mind wide open to receive this Gift. It is a calling which I cannot say "no" to - it comes from God! And I have come to know without question that there IS a connection of some kind - a spiritual bond between two very like-minded individuals with numerous "threads" connecting us throughout our lives. These threads went undiscovered until his passing. And I didn’t go looking for them - they came to me! Too many synchronicities to make this connection only a coincidence. And too many "coincidences" to be anything less than part of a very grand plan designed by The Master himself! I have my own ideas regarding what it all means, which I have already told you about here. But I am certain there will be pieces of this grand puzzle which will remain a mystery until I leave this world. I have come to accept that and, in the absence of 20/20 vision, I have called upon my faith to simply BELIEVE that God, the infinite power and authority of the entire universe, knows what He's doing! As Michael sang in the song Keep the Faith..."the power's in believing." Now that I have come to believe, my part is only to seek direction and a willingness to act on fulfilling my specific calling.
Beyond this, I must add that I do believe Michael’s essence represents a universal kind of spirit and love in the world. There are many around the globe who have expressed the same feeling of a soul connection to him, so I am not under the illusion that it’s just me. His universal presence and appeal is, I’m sure, part of the plan to get his messages to as many people across the globe as possible. This makes sense, but it doesn’t change the feeling inside that it’s personal. And I believe that feeling is intentional. It's something God has gifted to us and he wants us to accept the Gift!
The poems and writings I have posted in this file are deeply private and they represent the very personal nature of my feelings about Michael and my connection to him. These are not the unfulfilled fantasies of a crazed fan, I need you to know that and believe it! These writings are my way of processing my feelings about this personal connection, my understanding of what it may mean, and my coming to terms with it. They express my deepest emotions, and they hint at how I am drawing from the inspiration I received from him in this process. Yes, I do feel a deep love for Michael - his heart and soul - Michael the person. I believe he represents the kind of love I have longed for all my life. I honestly don’t know if I will find it with another person in this lifetime, but Michael has helped me to believe in it again. I beg you to respect my experience and to help me continue his legacy of love which I hope I have passed on to you.
These writings are everything to me - they express all that I am at the deepest part of my being! If you destroy these, you destroy my being in this world. These pieces, along with everything in my journal, represent the culmination of my life experience. Through this soul awakening, I have come to understand that my entire life, all 57 years of it, was preparation for this moment in time. That’s how big this is! And that’s why it may have seemed to you at times that I was overly obsessed. Do not judge me until you have walked a mile in my moccasins! I assure you, this experience is as real as anything you experience in your day-to-day living!
How does a person explain an entire lifetime of something missed? A sense that a true spiritual kind of love has passed you by - that everything you believed in as a child was wrong and would never come to be in your world. How does one explain the feeling of emptiness in your soul because of the mistakes, the dead ends and the days of just existing? How does one explain that they’ve never felt a sense of purpose or known what God intended for them in this lifetime? How do you approach the latter part of your life without ever having resolved that? There has to be more to one's life than this! And then, the answers come! Completely out of the blue - totally unexpected - and through a person you never dreamed would be your muse! It’s been life-changing, to say the least, and I hope that you will find it in your heart to honor me and my memory for what I am striving to do with my life - that you can tell your children and grandchildren that their grandma and great-grandma made a difference in the world and you are so very proud of her!
My true hope is that you will gain an understanding of my heart and my soul - an acceptance of who I was during my time here on Earth, mistakes and all. That you will cherish and respect my memory and you will know and feel this great love as I have been so blessed to receive. If I have truly lived as I have been called to live, the things I have done to contribute toward a better tomorrow should give you pause for reflection on your own life and whether you are contributing to a healthier, more loving humanity. And you will remember this all began with a little Moonwalker from Gary, Indiana!
I have no doubt Michael Joseph Jackson will be remembered for generations to come, not only for his musical talent, but also for the ways he contributed to changing the world for the better and inspiring others to do the same. I expect the “flavor” of what we will hear and read about Michael in the years to come will change from the sensationalistic stories of a "weird" eccentric genius, to a more realistic view of a man with a heart who shared his immense gift in order to make the world a better place. A spiritual messenger living among us! May HIStory tell the real story, the truth of this man who lent his light, his magic and his heart to us for 50 years and beyond!
I know what’s beautiful Looking at you Fireflies that light up in the night Dewdrops on a flower in the morning sun Stars that sparkle and dance in the sky A bird singing her lullaby Summer rain, its sweet fragrance filling the air An evening’s sunset that makes me sigh
Through the eyes of a poet You take me there
I know what’s beautiful Looking at you Your smile, so innocent and bright The light in your eyes when you look upon a child The way you just know what’s right Your soul that glows from within Dignity and grace in all its glory Your love that touches me, lends its light
The truth of your heart The telling of your story
I know what’s beautiful Looking at you Sunlight bursting through the clouds on a beam A falling star on a warm summer night Dolphins that frolic in the sea An eagle commanding the air in flight Children at play on a beautiful day Their innocence and magic, laughter and glee
Fireworks On the 4th of July
I know what’s beautiful
Looking at you
Dancing in your arms ‘til the break of dawn
Whispers of love at morning’s light
Holding you close ‘til the pain is gone
A touch to say it’s gonna be alright
Feeling your heartbeat next to mine
While in your embrace, you sing me your song
Did someone tell you You weren't good enough Belittling and bullying to make you feel small Is that why you thought you should pass it along
Reclaiming your power to make you feel tall
Daddy dear, What did you fear?
Forever a prisoner of your own mistakes Losing hopes and dreams When others held your fate Your life coming apart at the seams
Daddy dear, What did you fear?
Did I get in the way Of everything you hoped to be one day Was it my light, my passion, my love for life Did I challenge you to look in the mirror Did my radiance cause you fright
Daddy dear, What did you fear?
The legacy of your forefathers Passed down through the ages Being threatened by a new generation Calling your authority into question
Daddy dear, What did you fear?
Loss of control in a world that was changing Turning to love Hearts and souls rearranging Boomers coming of age to work it out Standing for justice We would sing and shout
Daddy dear, What did you fear?
Was it love, peace or equal rights Freedom of speech, truth or justice When we got tough 'cause we'd had enough And we wouldn't give up the fight
Daddy dear, What did you fear?
Did you not understand God's purpose God's plan For a world filled with love, no more fear God's dream was in our hands, daddy dear! Don't you know there's only one way Truth and Love are here to stay
Daddy dear, Why do you still fear?
I pray that you will find your peace Forever held in God's loving embrace Don't worry 'bout me I'm finding my way Through the clutter of doubt In a world gone astray It's time to finally make that change For a better tomorrow For the whole human race
Daddy dear, Have no more fear!
Your trials are coming to an end I forgive you, daddy And I'm moving on For God has given me a true love friend
What an amazing adventure this has been so far! Riding this wave of discovery, pain and love has been one magical experience after another. Yes, even in the pain, as difficult as this may be to comprehend. I think it's something only those who are on the same journey can fully understand. Others may hear our words as we attempt to describe the impact Michael Jackson has had on our hearts and on our souls. They may nod their heads and even say they understand, but in all reality, they can't possibly. It's just not understandable - it defies logic. How does one feel such a strong soul connection to someone they have never met? And how can one say they are grieving the loss of this individual more than they've ever grieved for anyone, including their own family members? That just seems wrong to anyone who has not been on the receiving end of Michael's immense light and love. I can understand their questioning and their doubt. I've had plenty of that myself along this path.
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