Love Letters

Do you sometimes wonder how long Michael’s spirit will stay with you, touching your heart, giving you inspiration to keep going? Have you worried that when your grieving subsides, he will go away along with your pain? Do you cling to your grief in a desperate attempt to hang onto Michael and his love forever because you couldn’t imagine your life without him being there? Entering your dreams at night to comfort and remind you of his love and his sweet laughter. Singing a certain song to you at just the right moment to let you know he’s still there, responding to your questions and soothing your pain. Or perhaps, just to bring a smile to your heart.

I have certainly grappled with these questions and concerns off and on throughout this journey with Michael. In March I was experiencing some real conflict over these feelings, so I began writing about them in my journal. When I was finished with the entry, I realized that what I had written sounded very much like a dialogue between me and Michael, so the idea of transforming them into an exchange of Love Letters was born. I cherish these letters because even though Michael was not the author of his letters to me, I feel that his spirit was moving me as I wrote them, and he helped me to find resolution within my soul. I visit these letters whenever I find myself slipping back into that space of doubt and fear. Every time I read them, I still feel all the emotion that was poured into these words with a little help from Michael.

These Love Letters have been filed away with a group of my poems and writings that I have labeled “personal and private.” I honestly didn’t believe that I would ever share them with anyone. But Michael has moved me to do so now. I hope you will find some inspiration for your journey in the words Michael wrote on my heart…

Dear Michael,

I’m stuck…..I’m sorry
I don’t want to disappoint you
But I resist moving forward
Because I fear I will lose you

I lost you before somewhere along the way
And now that I’ve found you again
I want you to stay

I’m hanging on for dear life
Remaining in my grief sustains my plight
The emotions I’m feeling keep me close
To your love and everything about you I miss the most

I continue to feel your presence every day
Your music, pictures, letters and books,
all the sweet memories will stay
Keeping me connected with you on this journey

So how do I continue and make myself worthy?

…Without losing you

Dear Charlene,

You can carry me in your heart without fear
of losing me ever again!
Remember that part of you inside you learned to ignore
because it brought you much pain?
That boldness, that drive to learn, to explore
To shine, perfect, love and proclaim
In the face of adversity
When others didn’t agree…
That’s ME in YOU, my love is without end!

Now that you know, you must let it show
Or my light in you will fade
I don’t want to leave, you have the power to save
This precious love

I’ve shown you that boldness is a gift so rare
Even if others don’t understand
When practiced with humility, kindness and love
They will want to take your hand!

I believe in you as you’ve believed in me
Why else would I have chosen you to be my messenger?
Be bold! The world awaits your lesson!

You will inspire others with your heart
That part of me in you has been awakened
Brought into the light from the dark
As long as you hold that light out in front
Up high for all to see
Don’t hide it from the world, my love
And you will never lose me!
My essence, my being in you
Depends on that light to shine
Please, please give it all you’ve got
So we can see this through ‘til the end of time

Dear Michael,

I think I understand it now
I will do my best to make you proud
If I feel myself slipping back
To wrap myself and you in a bubble
Safe and warm, no trouble
I will remember your words to woo
Keeping me from losing you
In order to hold you I must be bold
Step outside my comfort zone
Go beyond my own limited thinking
Project your light to keep this ship from sinking!
Hold up the mirror for others to see
Their own light….or darkness
Whatever would be
Motivating them to make that change
Their goodness come forth, the world to save

Please don’t expect one hundred percent
This is a journey
Sometimes I’ll be spent, too tired to shine
Old ways and feelings will take over from time to time

But I promise to pay respect that is due
Your message to the world
This is my cue

I LOVE you!!

Dear Charlene,

Always remember
I LOVE you too
More than you will ever know
I am IN you - I KNOW you
I’ll never leave you
You are my sweet bird, my soul!

03/06/10
Copyright © 2010 by Charlene Burgess