Coastal Retreat - In Memory of Michael

Journal Entry -
July 3, 2010

It was this time last year that Michael’s magic and energy started to penetrate my soul. I went for a drive through the northern California Redwoods and along the coastline over the 4th of July weekend, just a week after he died, listening to his music all the way. It was then that I began to feel something happening within me that I couldn’t explain. His spark, his light…..his love was working its magic on me! And thus began an amazing adventure of discovering the truth and all the complexities of this man, along with the painful awareness of his life and trials. A love so great like none I had ever experienced has grown and flourished over the last year, inspiring me to go to places I never dreamed I would or could go, much less embrace! As I've grown to know Michael Jackson, the man, more personally I have been inspired to reflect his light in my life and in the world. He has shown me my own light and helped me to find my true worth, giving me a sense of purpose and the courage to face some very daunting demons from my past. I owe him my life for being such a beautiful example of love, courage, grace and dignity in the face of the most evil and the absolute darkest of humanity that anyone could ever encounter! It is only fitting that I take time to honor him on this one year anniversary of my “awakening." And what a journey it’s been! A roller coaster ride of emotions from the beginning - and the ride continues!

As I head to the coast once again for a three day retreat in Michael's memory, I look forward to all the sights and sounds the ocean has to offer. Listening to the ocean waves crash upon the shore and experiencing the vastness of God’s creation is such a humbling experience and it makes me even more aware of God’s huge love! It helps me to put things in perspective and to be reminded of the many blessings I’ve received.

Hopefully I can gather some strength and courage to continue on this challenging path. As wonderful as it has been to have this connection with this amazing man, it has also been one of the most complex times of my entire life. Learning to discern the truth from lies when it comes to Michael Jackson is not always easy, and I have become an expert at compartmentalizing every little piece of information that comes my way. Anything that gives him the honor and praise he so deserves for his lifetime of good works and sacrifices is always welcomed and filed away for future reference whenever I need a boost or endurance for the journey.

Perceived lies and half-truths are ignored and shoved aside (along with a prayer) in an attempt to prevent the darkness they carry from permeating my soul and that of others around the world. I will not participate in or acknowledge such hate directed at the world’s finest example of love and purity we’ve known in this lifetime.

But, perhaps the most difficult to discern are the subtle comments and innuendos that are woven into what appears to be a tribute, especially from one who claims to have been a friend. I have a hard time understanding how a true friend can justify implying anything negative or improper about one who gave the world everything of himself for his entire life. The fact that they cannot see the overall good - forgetting any mistakes or times of weakness, which are only human - is beyond me, and why they feel they have to put it out there for the world to know…..it just shows such great disrespect for everything else he did! My heart aches for him, especially when these people speak under the guise of being a friend! Are they really that insecure that they have to profess to having the “inside scoop” on Michael Jackson, exhibiting no self control whatsoever? Is it so difficult to keep certain tidbits to themselves, if for no other reason than to let the man rest in peace and receive the honor he deserves? Do they not understand how their inside scoops effect this man’s memory…and what about how they effect his children?! Do they honestly not know what the media and those who are looking for any excuse to hate Michael will do with those insignificant tidbits? If they truly were friends, and if they truly cared about him, they would know this and they would do anything they could to make sure he was lifted up for his contributions to the world and humanity! The man had more than his fair share of public scrutiny during his lifetime, most of which was based on nothing but lies or speculation. It is now time to forget the gossip and to celebrate his tremendous gifts to the world!

My only consolation when I read these kinds of stories is that one day, they will be forgotten. When the history books are written and the memory of Michael is carried forward for generations, all the innuendoes and speculations will be the least of what remains. His true legacy will be not only his amazing musical talent, but his exhaustive accomplishments as a global humanitarian and a kind, compassionate, and generous person - plain and simple! His true genius and heart will be remembered forever, for he bound his soul to his work, and the humility and love in his soul, as well as his passion for making the world a better place, is embodied in his work. His work is all of who he was in this world!

With Murray’s impending trial and the media’s never ending thirst for drawing blood from Michael Jackson, even in death, I expect things to heat up all the more in the months ahead. Although I’m just as anxious as anybody to get on with it, and to have justice be served, I’m also dreading the inevitable character assassination he will no doubt be subjected to in the process. More strength and courage for this part of the journey will be needed by all of us who love Michael so dearly. We must keep our support system strong and loving - do everything we can to help each other through this time - and do him proud by being peaceful advocates for truth and justice in his name! And soon, things will get better, I really believe that.

How do I know this? Michael's spirit is still ever present in the world and in my heart. Whenever I start to falter or reach a point of not knowing if I can go on, the truth of everything he endured for the sake of us all touches my soul and renews my courage, assuring me that he believes in me and is counting on me (on all of us!) How can I say “no” to that? He gives me strength and power every time he touches me. Why would he continue to help me hang on if he didn’t know that a better time was coming? He’s certain about that - I have no doubt. And I’m only speaking for myself here - I know there are many, many others who have had a similar experience.

Michael is going to need his army of love messengers to stay strong until we get through this other insidious trash! There will be a time when we can do even more to make a difference in this world on his behalf. There will be a time when people will get tired of the garbage and will want to do something better with their lives. That force is building in the world even as I write this, and one day the scales will tip. I am seeing more and more evidence of this as time passes. There is an overall shift happening where the gossip and rumors about Michael are downplayed and his gifts to the world are being lifted up and recognized. There also appears to be a new wave of personal stories surfacing which recount special memories of Michael. People who knew him and some who didn’t, but had a chance encounter with him that touched their hearts and showed his true character.

This is progress, and it gives me hope for a better tomorrow!